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time for breakfast

pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

time for breakfast

KITCHEN DEFINITIONS

Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.

Frying Pan
: Standard instrument of destruction for eggs, pancakes, and various vegetable matter. Remains may be removed from surface with diluted solution of sulphuric acid.
Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulk pieces of meat and poultry.

Microwave oven
: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

Porridge
: Thick oatmeal served in Britain but rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents.

Preheat
: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, in addition to when it is removed.

Recipe
: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, for a dish you'll never make.
Tongue: A variety of meat rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
4 REPLIES
WildRose52
Grafter
Posts: 507
Registered: 23-02-2010

Re: time for breakfast


Baked beans -   small overuler beans coated in something which tastes like tomato ketchup
and which ingested in large amounts.....  (fill in the blank)

Eggs - Varied sized shell-coated chicks, which if they had been left on the farm, would
have produced a much bigger meal than breakfast.

Sausages - Allegedly pieces of chopped up meat - yet to be diagnosed - in a skin, and
which sizzles when in contact with destruction instrument described by Pierre.
Termed by some (namely my late elderly aunt) as being `widows memories` lol.
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: time for breakfast

Baked beans: things you eat when you dont want visitors
Superuser
Superuser
Posts: 2,518
Thanks: 219
Fixes: 5
Registered: 06-04-2007

Re: time for breakfast

Depends if you want them to stay or not pierre  Cool
Phil
WildRose52
Grafter
Posts: 507
Registered: 23-02-2010

Re: time for breakfast


The mind boggles how many of these amusing little ditties we could make up.

Bacon - a tasty, often salted, morsel of pork which even tells us when its not
cooked enough and we need to put it bac-on.

Dish & spoon - Probably the most rebellious items of crockery /utensils in your
kitchen - if we remember how once upon a time `the dish (actually) ran away with
the spoon`  (but should be regarded as a possible conspiracy!)

Coffee - that early morning pick-me-up we all need, but complain about because
it keeps us awake at night.

Milk - Cow juice - a great way to disguise just how bad some breakfast cereals
really are.

Croissants - a highly confused delicacy which thinks it comes from France but
was birthed in Austria in the 17th century.

Did you make yours up Pierre?    Or am I the only one here not cheating?