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"Anything to declare ? "

Community Veteran
Posts: 20,548
Thanks: 3,002
Fixes: 44
Registered: ‎06-11-2007

"Anything to declare ? "

Watching telly, cos there`s nowt else to do.... watching Border Force in the USA..  at the Texas bridge crossing... the guy in the booth sticks his head out... talking to the driver....


"Anything to declare ?.... plants .... booze.... cigarettes ... tobacco.... bombs.... drugs   ?   " 


can just see the answers rolling off the guy`s tongue...


Plants...?   nope

Booze?    nope

Cigarettes.?.. only the one I`m smoking... gotta get some more when I`m clear of customs.

Tobacco?... don`t smoke a pipe .


Bombs?    Yeah,... got a couple of small one`s... not primed yet though...



Drugs?  Yean... got a kilo of heroin under my seat... and abou half a ton in the back..



"O.K... Have a nice day... Y`all "...........

Seasoned Champion
Posts: 1,809
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Registered: ‎21-11-2018

Re: "Anything to declare ? "

More than one person in USA has found themselves in handcuffs for replying to a

question in a smart 4r53 way,  USA border security / passport control / customs

are not renowned for their sense of humour ( or humor )  - In UK you may get away

with answering the question with a quip.. but not in USA.

Community Veteran
Posts: 10,575
Thanks: 2,146
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Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: "Anything to declare ? "

Coming through customs last year the automatic face scanner did not work for never does so had to join the standard queue..said to the customs bloke that scanner never works for me....

He replied ...that's because you have have put on weight...

Cheeky B..

Makes a change they are now getting a sense of humour.

Posts: 30,126
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Registered: ‎14-04-2007

Re: "Anything to declare ? "

When we visited Canada we had to walk through a doorway type of scanner at Vancouver airport.

I stood near the scanner waiting for the uniformed guy on the other side to call me through.

He looked up and said to me in a Canadian drawl "Come along big fellah"

As he was twice my size in every direction I obeyed instantly.

Customer and Forum Moderator. Windows 10 Firefox 84.0.2 (64-bit)

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Registered: ‎17-05-2013

Re: "Anything to declare ? "

@Strat wrote:


He looked up and said to me in a Canadian drawl "Come along big fellah"



He wasn't looking at you through one of those X-ray machines by any chance?   Wink  Lips_are_sealed

Posts: 3,354
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Registered: ‎05-09-2016

Re: "Anything to declare ? "

@wotsup wrote:

  - In UK you may get away

with answering the question with a quip.. but not in USA.

Not always.  In one of the many programmes about Heathrow Airport there was a passenger (American I think) with a violin case.  At the gate lounge he was asked what was in it, and when he said it was a machine gun, they didn't hesitate to call the police.  He was duly taken to Heathrow Police Station and 'processed' before being given a stern warning and allowed to fly back on a much later flight (next day I think it was).

@gleneagles, immigration officers, i.e. the ones who check your passport, are only interested in whether your UK passport is genuine and belongs to you, so can afford a bit of humour/friendliness.  Customs officers on the other hand are usually stony-faced like police officers.  The reason customs officers ask for your passport is to ID you, but also to stop you doing a runner when they ask to have a look in your suitcase and you know it's full of contraband.

By the way, there was a story in the news recently about a woman who'd travelled from Luton to Germany on her baby son's passport: