one for Josie

[#1]

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.
'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.
When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60lbs! 'Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?

The Irishman nodded...'I'll tell you though, by jaesuz, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.

'From the hunger, you mean?' asked the doctor.


'No, from the flipin' skippin'

[#2]

The newly married couple were looking around a new housing estate being built by Wimpey (We Import More Paddy`s Every Year).
As they were being shown around by the site manager, he kept looking out of the window, and shouting, "green side up, lads...... green side up"..... After they had come down stairs, and preparing to leave, the husband could not resist asking " Why do you keep going to the windows and shouting "Green side up?"
" Oh, to be sure," he replied, "We`re laying the turf, and I have to make sure the men know what they are doing!"

[#3]

Thank you both - you have cheered me up immensely with those! 

Must try skipping a day myself if it gives you that much weight loss! 

[#4]

Hopefully this will pass muster...

A woman goes into an antique shop and says to the owner, "when I was in here last week I saw a big mug with a flat head that holds a lot of beer. I'd like to buy it."
"Sorry," replied the owner, but I can't sell you that."
"Why not asked the customer?"
"Because that's my husband."

[#5]

Quote from: shutter

The newly married couple were looking around a new housing estate being built by Wimpey

I lived in Boreham Wood (home of the Elsrtree Studios and Eastenders) from the age of 9 until my wife and I married there. We recently took a nostalgic drive down the high street (or The Village as it used to be called) just before our 25th wedding anniversary. Much of the high street had changed but one thing that was there when I moved in in 1969 and is still there is the Wimpey bar (the fore-runner of Macdonalds). It looks as if it still have the original tables and chairs. The one in Basingstoke, near where I now live, was closed when the new shopping centre was built.

[#6]

Ah, Wimpy bars were better than Macdonalds - really healthy greasy burgers!
But the Wimpey that did housebuilding is not the same as the burger building!
Wimpy bars sold cheap burgers - Wimpey the Builders built very cheap houses!

[#7]

Quote

Wimpey the Builders build cheap houses!

As mentioned in my post at the top of the page ! 

[#8]

Still got one in my home town
Note it is Wimpy not Wimpey