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a good one for today

Posts: 19,757
Registered: ‎30-07-2007

a good one for today

One day a farmer, noticing his 500 hens were lonely, so decided to go to the local market to purchase about a dozen roosters to keep them company. When he got there he talked to several breeders, and finally came to a man who claimed to have the most potent rooster in the world.
The farmer explained his dilemma, and the man assured him that this one rooster would take care of all his hens, or his money back.
Well,the farmer thought about this wild claim for a while,and eventually decided to give the rooster a try. He paid the man and took his rooster home.
As soon as farmer arrived home and released the newly purchased rooster to his flock,the rooster,in a wild frenzy, busily began siring the hens one at a time. Within a very short time,each one was sired and happily heading for the hen house to lay eggs. The farmer,seeing this, thought out loud "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate."
The next morning,the farmer was awakened to the sounds of his sheep raising a din. He looked out the window and couldn't believe his eyes. That miracle rooster was siring the ewes. He thought on his way to breakfast, "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." After breakfast,the farmer had to chase the rooster out of the dairy shed,where he caught the rooster siring his prize Herefords. He yelled as the rooster ran from the barn, "You'd better slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate." Later that afternoon, as the farmer was cutting hay,he noticed the rooster lying in the middle of the field apparently dead. A flock of buzzards was already circling overhead. The farmer was heartsick as he got off the tractor and approached the motionless prize rooster. He knelt down beside him and said sadly "I warned you to slow down old boy or you'll kill yourself at that rate and now your dead." The rooster cracked one eye pointed a wing to the circling buzzards and said "Shhh!!
They're fixin' to land."
Posts: 314
Registered: ‎09-06-2007

Re: a good one for today

This is in fact the story depicted in "The Bantam Cock" - just one of many great songs by the late Jake Thackeray.....
The Bantam Cock
    * Jake Thackeray
      He was a grand upstanding bantam cock
      So brisk and stiff and spry
      With springy step and jaunty plume
      And a purposeful look in his eye
      In his little black blinking eye
      I took him to the coop and I introduced him
      To my seventeen wide-eyed hens
      He tupped and he tupped as a hero should
      And he bowed from the waist to them all
      Then he upped and he tupped them all again
      And then upon the peace of my ducks and geese
      He rudely did intrude
      With glazed eyes and open mouths
      They bore it with fortitude
      And a little bit of gratitude
      He jumped my giggling guinea fowl
      And forced his attentions upon
      My twenty hysterical turkeys
      And a visiting migrant swan
      And the bantam plundered on
      He ravished my fantailed pigeons
      And my lily-white columbines
      And when I was locking up a budgerigar
      He jumped my parrot from behind
      And she was sitting on my shoulder at the time
      Then all of a sudden with a gasp and a gulp
      He clasped his hands to his head
      Fell flat on his back with his toes in the air
      My bantam cock lay dead
      And the vultures circled overhead
      What a handsome cock what a noble brute
      What a way to live and die
      I was digging him a grave to save his bones
      From the hungry buzzards in the sky
      When the bantam opened up one sly little eye
      Then he gave me a look and a terrible wink
      The way that rapists do
      He said, D'you see them big daft buggers up there
      They'll be down in a minute or two
      They'll be down in a minute or two

Sadly I can't locate a video link of him performing this, but here's a cover of it by Jasper Carrott....