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Wrong number

Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,767
Thanks: 4,630
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Wrong number

Phones rings. I answer it. A voice says 'Dilwyn?'. 'No' I reply, 'I'm afraid you must have the wrong number'. 'Are you sure?' he says. 'Yes, you have phoned the wrong number' I said. 'Oh, are you sure because I dialed the right number' he says again. 'No, definitely wrong number' I say. 'Bye' and put down the phone. Literally 20 seconds later the phone rings again, I answer it. 'Dilwyn?' the voice says again. 'No (sigh) you have dialed the wrong number. Again.' I say. 'Oh' he says again. 'I don't understand, I've dialed the correct number, I double checked'. 'What number are you calling?' I say. '01970 870***' he says. 'The only numbers in that number you dialed that are the same as mine are the 0's the 7's and the 1' I said. 'Are you sure?' he says.

I swear to God I'm going to find this man and burn his house down.

Don't limit the friends you haven't met with arguments you'll never have.
Community Veteran
Posts: 3,298
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Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Wrong number

Policeman: "Do you have anything in your pockets that will hurt me?" 

Ruffian:  "Yeh, these will" he says, handing over a phone number list of ex-girlfriends.

Community Veteran
Posts: 10,568
Thanks: 2,141
Fixes: 15
Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: Wrong number

wrong number.

Caller. "Is Sarah there"

Me. "Yes but she cannot come to the phone right now"

Caller. "Who are you ?"

Me. " Fred."

Caller. "What's my daughter doing if she cannot come to the phone ?"

Me. "She is in the bath, her toe is stuck in the tap and I'm a plumber"

caller. "Has she no clothes on and who else is with her"

Me. " No one else here and of course she has nothing on she is in the bath"

Caller. " You are not serious"

Me. " No but I had you going there !"


Call ends.

Community Veteran
Posts: 10,568
Thanks: 2,141
Fixes: 15
Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: Wrong number

Over the years we have had a number of wrong number calls from people who wanted to book a taxi, you can have some fun with these as well, after asking for the expected information such as destination and number of people travelling you then ask the weight of those travelling as EU rules restrict the total weight of the taxi including passengers and such rules apply to all taxi firms, amazing how many believe this and it's only later when asking more bizarre questions such as peoples height, if anyone wears glasses or has a current passport do they start to twig they must have the wrong number.

Community Veteran
Posts: 5,658
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Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎21-03-2011

Re: Wrong number

I acquired a distinctive number for one of our holiday cottages, it ends xxxxx - 888111 I soon realised there was a history for the number when a debt collection started calling looking for a gentleman I shall call Mr Jones. After the third call I discovered the number had been used by a PC Servicing company which had gone bust three years previously. The next time the debt collection agency called I was a bit more forceful in insisting that unless they wanted to receive letters from my solicitors Messrs Grabit Andrun they should update their records so that Mr Jones is no longer associated with my number.

Peace reigned for 18 months, then another debt collection agency starts to call looking for Mr Jones.  The previous agency had sold the debt to a new agency, but not passed on the information that Mr Jones was no longer connected with the number. Now when ever the agency calls it's always: "Mr Jones is not in:" "No I'm not sure when he'll be back." "I'll take a message, but Mr Jones is unlikely to call you back."

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Seasoned Pro
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Registered: ‎02-12-2016

Re: Wrong number

My mobile number is only given to family for emergencies only so at around 9.00 pm on a Saturday night when it rang I was greeted with " I've ordered a taxi, been waiting ages. Wheres my [-Censored-] taxi"

I responded with "I am sorry you have a wrong number we don't do taxis".

About half an hour later the phone rang again and I heard "I'm still waiting wheres my [-Censored-] taxi". I told him "I am sorry we have had a few problems it will be about 2 hours". 

Moderator's note by Mike (Mav): Avoidance of swear filter edited as per Forum rules.

Posts: 20,455
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Registered: ‎06-04-2007

Re: Wrong number

When my parents moved to Herne Bay they were given a new number that had previously been used by a massage parlour. That caused a few laughs with some of the calls they got.

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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
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Posts: 4,927
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Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Wrong number

The place where I once worked had a phone which was one digit different to the local cop shop.


Someone phoned one day and asked to speak to PC Collins. It just so happened that we had a colleague by the name of Philip C Collins, so he was summoned to the phone - to have a most confusing conversation!  Grin

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