Useless information - part three

[#1]

Q. How do you make a Sultan's wife laugh?

A. Give them a Sultana.

[#2]

Drifting off here guys, this is supposed to be about useless information. 😉

Duck droppings can potentially carry up to 60 different diseases. 

[#3]

I`m going to make afternoon tea & coffee for me and the missus....

Other useless info.....   we will share some ginger biscuits to dunk....

[#4]

I am just going outside and may be some time.

No, not the Antarctic - just a hedge that needs trimming.

[#5]

I have just been outside, discussing the best way of removing ivy that has climbed to roof level (and over). We did not reach a conclusion.

[#6]

What lies at the bottom of the sea and rapes mermaids.

Jack the kipper

[#7]

---

@jab1 wrote:

I have just been outside, discussing the best way of removing ivy that has climbed to roof level (and over). We did not reach a conclusion.

---

Perhaps your ladder wasn`t long enough..... 

[#8]

What is yellow and dangerous?

Shark infested custard.

It's a cracker!

[#9]

Why is a canary in a liquidiser like a breakfast cereal?

Because it's Shredded Tweet.

Still can't find my coat. 

[#10]

Two bits of useless information about me.

1) My 'manhood' is the same length as two Argos pens.

2) I'm banned from Argos.

I've now found my coat. 😎 

[#11]

Not banned from Argos yet, I need to go there to pick up a backpack.

10 min bus journey.

Thanks for telling us about your manhood, bit too much info though.

I think everyone will appreciate I'll say no more about mine. 😀

[#12]

'Offendable penniless fjord hoaxer' is an anagram of Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.

[#13]

At night it gets dark.

Oh and nearly forgot, the earth is round.

[#14]

Last week's high winds blew all the pears off my pear tree.

[#15]

Cor round,

Reminds me of Pi.

3.14159265459.

Ratio of a circles radius to its diameter I believe.

Didn't look that up and reminds me of physics.

I think the forumla to calculate it is an Arc Tangent one?