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Tiger Woods

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Tiger Woods

Thought you might like a few Tiger Woods jokes to brighten your weekend.


Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing
"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant"
What does Tiger Woods have in common with a baby seals?
They both get clubbed by Norwegians.
That’s the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree ... he couldn't decide between a wood and an iron. Perhaps Tiger should have used a driver
I find it's a nightmare driving at 2.05am: sometimes you can't see the Woods for the trees.
Tiger's wife went for him after he scored a birdie.
What was the second worst part of Tiger's car accident? The police found the driver in the trunk.
22 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Can't make up his mind if he wants a threesome or a fourball.
But good'n's artmo.
Apparently, although I haven't looked  there are websites ongoing for just these sort of TW jokes.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Try:
http://blogs.orlandosentinel.com/news_columnist_mikethomas/2009/12/tiger-woods-jokes-headquarters.ht...
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Good one Petlew.  I guess he will take a long time to live this one down.
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Probably hang round his neck like an albatross!
Ooop's sorry wrong thread!!
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 3,486
Registered: 02-10-2008

Re: Tiger Woods

But typical of the media to make such a fuss - and produce so many column inches(mm ! ) and TV seconds
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

One big issue is his sponsorship deals.  He is painted as a good, clean living sportsman and has attracted a lot of highly paid media deals as a result of this.  I wonder how some of his sponsors are seeing things now.  Undecided
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

To an extent I agree with you mal0z, however Woods always promoted himself as utterly squeaky clean, not only that but the media has also publicised this as well as someone to aspire to. Just for once I feel the media is somewhat justified in demolishing a liar.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 3,486
Registered: 02-10-2008

Re: Tiger Woods

Quote
Tiger Woods has won an injunction banning the British media from reporting new details about his personal life after instructing London-based lawyers to take legal action.
The move, described by lawyers as "unbelievable", prevents the media reporting information that was already widely available in the US, prompting further anger about the ability of foreigners to take advantage of strict English laws that would not be available abroad.
"This injunction would never have been granted in America," the media lawyer Mark Stephens said. "It's unbelievable that Tiger Woods's lawyers have been able to injunct the UK press from reporting information here that is freely available in the US."
Woods's personal life has been the subject of intense media scrutiny in the two weeks since he crashed his four-wheel drive outside his home in Orlando, Florida. A growing list of women have come forward with allegations of his marital infidelity, and the star himself has yet to publicly surface since the crash. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2009/dec/11/tiger-woods-gags-english-media
It does indeed seem Woods has been less than careful -
Community Veteran
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

An interesting move.  I wonder if any of the media will challenge it.  It would be interesting to know if there were any representations from the media when the injunction was granted.
Community Veteran
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Registered: 02-10-2008

Re: Tiger Woods

http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/w/tiger_woods/index.html?scp=1-spot&sq=ti...
Yes indeed especially when these days with internet and sattelite TV we can read about it elsewhere
Not that I regularly read foreign newspapers
Community Veteran
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Registered: 10-04-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Tiger hunting
jelv (a.k.a Spoon Whittler)
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alanf
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Re: Tiger Woods

Reminds me of the recent case where a company tried to gag the reporting of the proceedings of the UK parliament. The story was reported so widely on the internet that they gave up and the story got even more publicity than if they had left alone.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/oct/12/guardian-gagged-from-reporting-parliament
http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/oct/13/trafigura-drops-gag-guardian-oil
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

The strange thing with this case though is that they are trying to gag our media here and allowing the story to run in the US where the law would not allow a gag.
Community Veteran
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Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Tiger Woods

Twas the night of  Thanksgiving and out of the house
Tiger Woods came a  flyin', chased by his spouse..
She wielded a nine  iron and wasn't too merry,
Cause a bimbo's  phone number was in his Blackberry.
He'd been cheatin'  on Elin, and the story progressed.
Woman after woman  stepped up and confessed.
He'd been cheatin'  with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori,
With Joselyn, and  Kalika. The world had the story.
From the top of  the Tour to the basement of blues,
Tiger's sad sordid  tale was all over the news.
With hostesses,  waitresses, he had lots of sex,
When not in their  pants, he was sendin' them texts.
Despite all his  cryin' and beggin' and pleadin',
Tiger's wife went  investin' -- a new home in Sweden.
And I heard her  exclaim from her white Escalade,
"If you're gettin'  laid then I'm gettin' paid."
She's not pouting,  in fact, she is of jolly good cheer,
Her prenup made  Christmas come early this year.