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These might be Useful

pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

These might be Useful

When Insults Had Class
These glorious insults are from an era before the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words....
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
He said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "
That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or  your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy" - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."  Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary."-  William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it."  - Moses Hadas
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."   - Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."   - Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one."  - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...if there is one."  - Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."   -Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -   -Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?"- Mark Twain
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."  - Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts...for support rather than illumination."  - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."  - Groucho Marx

7 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,850
Registered: 11-08-2007

Re: These might be Useful

thanks for those.  another, attributed to an exchange with churchill at a dinner some woman accused him of being drunk, to which he replied 'madam, you are ugly, but in the morning i shall be sober.'
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: These might be Useful

Thanks pierre, that completely brightened my morning...wonderful.
Any more?
(perhaps I shouldn't ask)
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Javert
Grafter
Posts: 241
Registered: 06-04-2008

Re: These might be Useful

A few more from Churchill:
"There is no such thing as a good tax."
"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing—after they’ve tried everything else."
"We contend that for a nation to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
"If you have ten thousand regulations, you destroy all respect for the law."

Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: These might be Useful

Classical music can sometimes be a source of vitriolic put-downs:
I think it was Sir Malcolm Sergeant (er! might have been Sir Adrian Bolt) when conducting the London Symphony Orchestra in rehearsals, slowly lowered his baton, when the players had subsided to an undignified silence, he indicated a lady cellist in the second row and said "madam, what you have between your legs has given men much pleasure for many hundreds of years, and all you can do is scratch it"
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 191
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: These might be Useful

Another from Churchill,  'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.'
And another couple as well:
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

techguy
Grafter
Posts: 2,540
Registered: 12-09-2008

Re: These might be Useful

very interesting.
skippyonspeed
Grafter
Posts: 46
Registered: 21-02-2009

Re: These might be Useful

Hope I don't have to use this one!
Churchill is dozing in a train carriage. A woman enters and sits across from him. She notices his flies are undone. 'Sir!' she exclaims, 'Your penis is sticking out!'
Churchill starts awake, gives the woman a cold stare, looks down for a moment then meets her gaze again. 'Madam, you flatter yourself. It is merely hanging out.'
The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.      George Bernard Shaw
Jean Harlow: 'Why you're Margot Asquith, aren't you?' (mistakenly pronouncing the 't')
Margot Asquith: 'No my dear, the 't' in Margot is silent, as in Harlow.'
When a woman told her: 'I really can't come to your party, I can't bear fools,' Dorothy Parker replied  'That's strange, your mother could.'   
I never forget a face, but I'll make an exception in your case.
I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.            both Groucho Marx