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The old jokes are still the best

Community Veteran
Posts: 38,249
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Registered: 15-06-2007

The old jokes are still the best

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7725079.stm
Quote
• Someone needled a well-known wit: "I had your wife, without paying a penny". He replied: "It's my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What made you do it?"
• An Abderite sees a eunuch talking with a woman and asks him if she's his wife. The guy responds that a eunuch is unable to have a wife. "Ah, so she's your daughter? "
• A misogynist is attending to the burial of his wife, who has just died, when someone asks: "Who is it who rests in peace here?". He answers: "Me, now that I'm rid of her!"
Note Abderite is an inhabitant of Abdera, in Thrace - probably the equivalent of <add your own as I am a coward>
13 REPLIES
Community Veteran
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

Thanks Oldjim, couldn't resist this opportunity;
Les Dawson "mother-in-law jokes"
I'm not saying the wife's ugly, but last christmas she stood under the mistle toe waiting for someone to kiss and she was still there at lent. In fact she went to see that film the Elephant Man and the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.
Tommorrow it's the mother-in-law's funeral...and she's cancelled it.
Funny thing how you first meet the woman that you marry. I first met the wife in a tunnel of love. She was digging it.
I can always tell when the mother in law's coming to stay; the mice throw themselves on the traps.
The wife's Mother said, "When you're dead, I'll dance in your grave." I said: "Good, I'm being buried at sea."
I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussard's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said, 'Keep her moving sir, we're stock-taking'
Marriage is an institution and that's where a couple finish up.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
pierre_pierre
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

this or that
Community Veteran
Posts: 38,249
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Registered: 15-06-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

Pierre should be banned - I nearly spilt my coffee  Crazy
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

they sometimes say the visual ones are best
Community Veteran
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

Try this one when your are drunk
3 Dinosaurs foot, foot foot and foot foot foot. One day foot,foot foot and foot foot foot were out playing football and foot chased after the ball across the road and got run over the next day foot foot and foot foot foot were out playing football  and foot foot hurt himself and foot foot foot turned to foot foot and said are you ok foot foot please dont die foot foot as you already have one foot in the grave.
Its really funny when said fast and you are a bit tipsy you can make it 6 Dinosaurs if you really want to get on peoples nerves.
Midnight_Caller
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

pierre, where do you dig these images up from?
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

one of my wife forums inhabited by gossipy women, some are  sent as e-mails as they might not look correct on that forum.
They also dont know how to forward an e-mail any thing up to 100 addresses and the end credits.  Hospitals, Financial institutes Goverment offices all with dire warning. 
One of the posters, nothing unusual to have three or four copies of the body.
Takes a lot of editing on my part
Midnight_Caller
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Mother-in-law Jokes

By Juvenal:
“It is impossible to be happy while one’s mother-in-law is still alive.”
By Les Dawson:
“My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed – I never knew they worked.”
By Les Dawson:
“My mother-in-law said `One day I will dance on your grave’.  I said `I hope you do, I will be buried at sea.”
By Bob Monkhouse:
“My wife said `Can my mother come down for the weekend?’  So I said `Why?’ and she said: `Well, she’s been up on the roof for two weeks already’.”
Community Veteran
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Registered: 15-06-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

merged with existing (2 year old) thread  Crazy
Community Veteran
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Registered: 11-08-2007

Re: The old jokes are still the best

lovely grub.  keep 'em coming.  Smiley
Moderator
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

Quote from: Oldjim
Pierre should be banned - I nearly spilt my coffee  Crazy

The question is with regards to which image Jim Wink
Customer and Forum Moderator.
Product of the Tyrell Corporation
Community Veteran
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

I'm saying nowt  Grin
Midnight_Caller
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Re: The old jokes are still the best

I bet that it is this one