cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.


Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.  The other dishes are mine and contain my food.  Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Racing me to the bottom is not the object.  Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.  I am very sorry about this.  Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however.  Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep..  It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible.  I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door.  I must exit through the same door I entered.  Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is:  Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.  I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1)  They live here.  You don't.  (2)  If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.  That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.  (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..  (4)  To you, they are animals.  To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (Cool don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children .
7 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
Thanks: 54
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Nice, I like that pierre.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 16,862
Thanks: 1,141
Fixes: 13
Registered: 06-11-2007

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Yes , one of your better efforts Pierre...... ! !    Actually me and my dog have this understanding, pretty much outlined in your opening gambit..... I don`t eat dog food, therefore you don`t eat mine. !  seems to work !  Cheesy
Community Veteran
Posts: 3,486
Registered: 02-10-2008

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Yes - but what about your parrot ?
firefly2
Grafter
Posts: 265
Registered: 16-11-2007

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

thanks Pierre for the biggest laugh of my day...
i really needed that... will surely go to sleep with a smile on my face.
never analysed it before but totally agree.   Smiley
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Quote from: mal0z
Yes - but what about your parrot ?

IT was sitting on the floor trying to peel the note off Cheesy Cheesy
N/A

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Quote
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people..

Spot on!
CapNcaveman
Grafter
Posts: 66
Registered: 18-01-2009

Re: The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Grin vey funny.. thanks for the laugh , you've made my day