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Thanks for the Memories.....

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Thanks for the Memories.....

BOB HOPE - some of his great one-liners I came across:
For those of you too young to remember Bob Hope, ask your Grandparents. 
And thanks for the memories.

ON TURNING 70
'You still chase women, but only downhill'.

ON TURNING 80
'That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing.'

ON TURNING 90
'You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.'

ON TURNING 100
'I don't feel old.  In fact I don't feel anything until noon.  Then  it's time for my nap.'

ON GIVING UP HIS EARLY CAREER, BOXING
'I ruined my hands in the ring.  The referee kept stepping on them.'
 
ON NEVER WINNING AN OSCAR
'Welcome to the Academy Awards or, as it's called at my home, 'Passover'.'
ON GOLF
'Golf is my profession.  Show business is just to pay the green fees.'
ON PRESIDENTS
‘I have performed for 12 presidents and entertained only six.'
ON WHY HE CHOSE SHOWBIZ FOR HIS CAREER
'When I was born, the doctor said to my mother, Congratulations, you have an eight pound ham.'"
ON RECEIVING THE CONGRESSIONAL GOLD MEDAL
'I feel very humble, but I think I have the strength of character to fight it.'
ON HIS FAMILY'S EARLY POVERTY
'Four of us slept in the one bed.  When it got cold, mother threw on another brother.'
ON HIS SIX BROTHERS
'That's how I learned to dance.  Waiting for the bathroom.'

ON HIS EARLY FAILURES
'I would not have had anything to eat if it wasn't for the stuff the audience threw at me.'

ON GOING TO HEAVEN
'I've done benefits for ALL religions. I'd hate to blow the hereafter  on a technicality. '
Grin  Grin  Grin
11 REPLIES
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

and dont forget he was an English man
Quote
Hope was born in Eltham, London, England, the fifth of seven sons. His father, William Henry Hope, was a stonemason from Weston-super-Mare, Somerset and his Welsh mother, Avis Townes, was a light opera singer who later worked as a cleaning woman. The family lived in Weston-super-Mare, then Whitehall and St George in Bristol, before moving to Cleveland, Ohio in 1908
nadger
Rising Star
Posts: 4,498
Thanks: 46
Registered: 13-04-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

I seem to recall that Bob Hope had a massive team of script writers to keep the jokes flowing.
As a youngster I used to really enjoy his "Road to..." films with Bing Crosby and Dorothy Lamour  Smiley
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Yes, I think there were up to 20 on any show.  Bob Monkhouse and his partner Dennis Goodwin were amongst them.  I think Goodwin actually moved to the US for a time to work for Hope.
nadger
Rising Star
Posts: 4,498
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Registered: 13-04-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Bob Monkhouse was our most famous local resident as he lived in a nearby village.
community
Grafter
Posts: 666
Registered: 31-07-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Quote from: nadger
I seem to recall that Bob Hope had a massive team of script writers to keep the jokes flowing.

That is true but jokes like the ones Bob repeated need a professional to deliver them and boy, he was a professional.
Having lived longer than most of you out there, I firmly believe he was the greatest ever 'one-liner'
Actually, Bob (also!) Monkhouse came quite close to this accolade, perhaps he wrote most of Hope's jokes?
Just to add...
I also think that the older generation can  remember when good jokes made you listen to them whilst today you hear the audiences
only wait for the four lettered words before they decide to laugh.........
birdman
Grafter
Posts: 113
Registered: 04-10-2009

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

I think today's younger 'comedians' rely on the language of the gutter to get a laugh. This shows a lack of sophistication and finesse. The likes of Hope and Monkhouse were masters of timing with their one-liners.
Community Veteran
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Registered: 06-11-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

But Monkhouse, "lost it" when he decided to go all out for "smutty, overtly sexual, inuendo" rather than comical use of the language. Undecided
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

I'm inclined to agree shutter. Monkhouse was undoubtedly a brilliant writer. But on television I always thought he came over as a complete P***. However I twice saw him live in one-man shows. I was rather reluctant the first time but was dragged along by others. I have to say he was absolutely brilliant, far far better than his television persona. Ok there were many tales that his repartee with the audience was set-up and primed beforehand, but I suspect it wasn't. His ability to react with one-liners was nothing short of phenomenal. I was a complete convert to Monkhouse...off a TV screen though.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
nadger
Rising Star
Posts: 4,498
Thanks: 46
Registered: 13-04-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Really showing my age but I always thought Ted Ray was a quickest of them all.
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,551
Thanks: 195
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Another very funny man with impeccable timing was Jack Benny  Smiley
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,154
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Thanks for the Memories.....

Not withstanding Bob Monkhouse, best stand-up comedian I've ever seen live was (Bullseye's) Jim Bowen totally under-rated.
The worst and filthiest was Freddie Starr his act was non-stop gutter filth. I'm as broad-minded as the next guy but this just became tiresome, he fell completely flat with the majority of the audience as well.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.