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Snow Shoveler

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,865
Thanks: 283
Registered: ‎12-08-2007

Snow Shoveler

Got this from a friend in Pennsylvania where they had 30" of snow recently.  Thought it was funny Smiley Smiley

The Diary of a Snow Shoveler
Feb 5
6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
Feb 6
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
Feb 7
The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment.  Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.
Feb 8
Snow lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
Feb 9
20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.
Feb 10
Ice storm this morning. Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.
Feb 11
Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 10 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
Feb 12
Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.
Feb 13
Bob was right about more snow, because 13 more inches of the white shit fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I realized I had to go to the john. By the time I got undressed, did my business, and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the prick is lying.
Feb 14
Only 2" of snow today. It warmed up to 0.
Feb 15
Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow I'll drag him through the snow by his shlong and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Feb 16
Hallaluya...20 more inches of white shit tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the  fu##ing snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fu##ing idiot. If I have to listen to "let it snow" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.
Feb 17
Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.
Feb 18
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze, spent the rest of the day dealing with that. Life is good.
Feb 19
Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE BITCH is driving me crazy!!!
Feb 20
10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
Feb 21
Roof caved in. I caught up with the snow plow driver and kicked the shit out of him. He is now suing me for a million dollars, not only for the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. Another 9" predicted.
Feb 22
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more snow shoveling.
Feb 23
Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

Posts: 27,214
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Registered: ‎14-04-2007

Re: Snow Shoveler

Quote from: artmo
Got this from a friend in Pennsylvania where they had 30" of snow recently.  Thought it was funny Smiley Smiley

It is Artmo....very funny Grin

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