cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Sex

thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Sex

  Smiley     I placed a wee bet in the pub last night that this title would attract record views.
I can not reveal the target as that might influence the bet.
I do apologise to those viewers who were expecting more intimate disclosures.
dick:red All caps title edited as per forum rules
13 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 2,286
Thanks: 219
Fixes: 1
Registered: 04-08-2009

Re: Sex

Ohhhh sex!!  I thought you meant segs! Those things us old blokes nail into their boots!!
198kHz
Seasoned Pro
Posts: 3,217
Thanks: 253
Fixes: 7
Registered: 30-07-2008

Re: Sex

Sex? Isn't that what they use to transport coal in Cheltenham?
Not young enough to know everything
community
Grafter
Posts: 666
Registered: 31-07-2007

Re: Sex

JA...vee haf vays of makin you talk ....secks are what postman haf....
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 25,784
Thanks: 1,133
Fixes: 47
Registered: 14-04-2007

Re: Sex

When a Scotsman was asked what he did about sex he replied..."I usually have mah tea about sex"
Sorry about the poor Scottish accent but I only have about 10% in me. Embarrassed
Customer and Forum Moderator.
Product of the Tyrell Corporation
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,358
Thanks: 29
Registered: 07-03-2008

Re: Sex

Sextuplets might be an indication of excess  lol!
colintivy Smiley Smiley
thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Re: Sex

Cheesy      any winnings are going to be given to the plusnet users benevolent fund
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Sex

sorry if this has been on before
Submitted by a Primary school girl for a homework assignment, sheer class!

After it was marked and the child brought it home, she returned to school the next day with the following note:

Dear Ms. Clark

I want to be very clear on my child's illustration.  It is NOT of me on a dance pole on a stage in a strip joint.  I work at B&Q and had commented to my daughter how much money we made in the recent snowstorm.  This picture is of me selling a shovel.


Another news Item from today
Basildon Council have introduced licences for pole dancing clubs, annual cost £2000
thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Re: Sex

Cheesy      good one pierre
David_W
Rising Star
Posts: 2,293
Thanks: 29
Registered: 19-07-2007

Re: Sex

The record number of views for this forum, is over 55,000 Shocked
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Sex

(adult content) news from Brentwood Essex  http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/essex/8589766.stm  beware of the pictures
[Moderator's note by Thomas (Be3G): removed quote and clarified adult nature of link posted. Adult content should generally be avoided on these forums, though seeing as in this case it's a link to a respectable news website I'll let it stay.]
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Sex

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot.
There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner.
The owner looked at her and said,
"Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought "that's really not so bad."
When her two teenage daughters returned from school, the bird saw them and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.
The bird looked at him and said,



"Hi Keith ."


LOL!
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Sex

Getting a hairdryer through customs....
 
A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
 
'Of course, child. What may I do for you?'
 
'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?'
'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'
 
'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
 
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'
 
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
 
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'
 
'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'
 
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'
Community Veteran
Posts: 6,111
Thanks: 1
Registered: 05-04-2007

Re: Sex

Can I remind people that these forums are supposed to be family friendly please. Smiley One or two posts have bordered on being a tad too risqué I feel.