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Received by email

Community Veteran
Posts: 38,249
Thanks: 936
Fixes: 56
Registered: 15-06-2007

Received by email

PONDERISMS
 
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
Life is sexually transmitted.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
The only difference between a groove and a grave is the depth.
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.  Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a  bushfire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me  your email address?
7 REPLIES
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 17,250
Thanks: 904
Fixes: 104
Registered: 11-01-2008

Re: Received by email

some funny ones in there Smiley
Will Moderate For Thanks
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 191
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Received by email

A laugh to bring the weekend to a close, thanks Jim Smiley Smiley
Midnight_Caller
Rising Star
Posts: 4,143
Thanks: 7
Fixes: 1
Registered: 15-04-2007

Re: Received by email

Some good ones in there.  Smiley
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Received by email

You seem to have a strange affinity with death Jim...do you know something we don't?
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Midnight_Caller
Rising Star
Posts: 4,143
Thanks: 7
Fixes: 1
Registered: 15-04-2007

Re: Received by email

If it was God then yes.  Grin 
But remember I am Atheist.
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Received by email

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in a U.K. newspaper:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old.
Hateful little bas tard.
Bites!
FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbour's dog.
FREE PUPPIES.
Mother, a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father, Super Dog... able to leap tall fences in a single bound..
COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale.
JOINING NUD1ST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.
WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.
*** And the WINNER is... ***

FOR SALE BY OWNER..
Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica,
45 volumes.
Excellent condition.....£200 or best offer..
No longer needed; got married last month.
Wife knows f#%#%#g everything!
mentalist3d
Grafter
Posts: 371
Registered: 20-08-2009

Re: Received by email

The last two made me laugh, especially the last one, I know the feeling  Grin