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Police Statements

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 191
Registered: 12-08-2007

Police Statements

These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:
                     
1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."
                     
2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."
                     
3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document." ( my favorite )
                     
4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
                     
5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." 
                     
6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?" 
                     
7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"
                     
8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm
warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
                     
9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
                     
10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."
                     
11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."
                     
12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."  ( National Crime Information Center )
                     
13."Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"
                     
14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."
                     
15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."
                     
AND THE WINNER IS....
                     
16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're  right, we don't.. Sign
here."

5 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,699
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Police Statements

Is there a UK equivalent?  I'd love to think that UK police officers have a sense of humour too.  Smiley
John
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 191
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Police Statements

Not too sure about that but looking at the series Interceptors on C5 our police seem to be as funny on occasions.  It deals with the Essex Police Interceptor division and well worth a watch.
198kHz
Seasoned Pro
Posts: 3,217
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Registered: 30-07-2008

Re: Police Statements

Quote from: hulls
Is there a UK equivalent?

I'd like to think so too - meanwhile, it reminded me of this -
A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a  Glasgow copper.
The lawyer thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from London and is certain that he has a better education than any cop.
He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense.
Glasgow cop says,  " Licence and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come tae a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come tae a complete stop. Licence and registration, please."                                                 
London Lawyer says,  "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come tae a complete stop, that's the law. Licence and registration, please!"
London Lawyer says,  "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.."
Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle. 
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the carp out of the lawyer and says,
.
 
.
"Dae ye want me tae stop, or jist slow doon?"
Not young enough to know everything
Community Veteran
Posts: 13,923
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Registered: 01-08-2007

Re: Police Statements

Quote from: artmo
Not too sure about that but looking at the series Interceptors on C5 our police seem to be as funny on occasions.  It deals with the Essex Police Interceptor division and well worth a watch.

Yeaj I find them mildly amusing.. although I don't think they're anywhere near as proactive as they claim. Bought a car a while back from blackpool. Coming back with it I was pulled by the fuzz within 15 minutes for no insurance (I had it as I'd arranged it over the phone that afternoon but it wasn't on the MID yet - http://www.askmid.com ). Sorted that out, continued my journey back towards the south, came right down to Essex and through it, still not stopped again anywhere. Even round the M25 the ANPR cameras failed to send another plod after me.
And yes.. the one who pulled me did say I could be pulled by other forces after he'd let me go.
I need a new signature... i'm bored of the old one!
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 191
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Police Statements

I wonder if the Force that pulled you put something on the system Undecided
Essex has a large number of ANPR cameras in the County and in my travels I often see motorists being stopped and questioned. We have one located in our High Street which feeds data back to Chelmsford.