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Passport Application

Midnight_Caller
Rising Star
Posts: 4,143
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Registered: 15-04-2007

Passport Application

This was actually taken from a UK passport application and a member of staff copied it, as it made her laugh all day.
Subject: Passport Application
 
Dear Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through.

How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date?

How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government?

How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run Premium Bonds they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the b----- money to themselves if I fail to claim before I die. Do you people do this by hand?

You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my NHS insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the  electoral registration forms I have to complete, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election.

Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die!

I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture... Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this ----.

Well, I have to go now, because I have to go back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo,  that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some ------ to confirm that it's really me on the ------- picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in case we look as if we are enjoying the process!
Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally p----- off!

I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in  London. I have had security clearances, which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor...who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN  PAKISTAN...

Yours sincerely,
An Irate British Citizen.
12 REPLIES
Community Veteran
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Registered: 10-08-2007

Re: Passport Application

Very good
Community Veteran
Posts: 38,249
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Registered: 15-06-2007

Re: Passport Application

Very good - but very worrying as I need to renew my passport in the next couple of months so I checked
http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/TravelAndTransport/Passports/Renewingorextendingyourpassport/DG_174097
Quote
Who needs to sign it
Usually only you need to sign it if you are applying to renew your passport.
The supporting documents
Apart from the completed application form and two recent identical photographs, the only supporting document you need to send is your current or last passport
Phew - panic over  Grin Grin
nadger
Rising Star
Posts: 4,498
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Registered: 13-04-2007

Re: Passport Application

Only fun we had last year was photographs - as SWMBO wasn't happy with photo booth we went to a photographer who said we couldn't have pictures with glasses on.
As we are never likely to go outside Europe I still wish there was, as French have, a free, or cheap, ID card that's just accepted in EU countries.
I think old passports are great - my 1956 one shows me with a full head of hair  Smiley
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Passport Application

When did they change the rules about glasses? my passport photo has me wearing them.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
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Registered: 05-04-2007

Re: Passport Application

Yep, glasses are allowed.
Community Veteran
Posts: 38,249
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Registered: 15-06-2007

Re: Passport Application

That's a change
nadger
Rising Star
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Registered: 13-04-2007

Re: Passport Application

Quote from: Be3G
Yep, glasses are allowed
Photographer was playing it safe, methinks, as it's recommended that one removes them.
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Passport Application

Probably doesn't know how to set his lighting up and afraid of reflection off the lenses.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 6,111
Thanks: 1
Registered: 05-04-2007

Re: Passport Application

Quote from: nadger
Photographer was playing it safe, methinks, as it's recommended that one removes them.

As I understand it though, it's only recommended that they're removed to reduce the likelihood of them causing issues which a non-photographer might not spot (such as shadows, or a frame obstructing the eyes); in other words, there's nothing wrong with wearing glasses, simply that if one's not careful then they can lead to problems with the photograph. And surely a photographer would be best placed to be careful to get the photograph right regardless…
Ah, now I've written all that, Petlew's beaten me to it with what sounds like a similar thought, just explained differently.
(For what it's worth, my passport photographs feature me wearing glasses, but were taken from a simple photo booth – albeit with me being careful to make sure the resultant photographs were complaint – and there were no problems with the acceptance of them.)
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Passport Application

My local mini-market shop/post office offers a passport photo service. About a fiver if I remember last time. Uses a sort of Polaroid camera that produces 4 images on one "page" proper white background as well. Come in a nice neat wallet, the other two can be used for other ID's etc. Since he's a postmaster he can sign the back of the photo's as well.
All part of the service...
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.
Community Veteran
Posts: 6,111
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Registered: 05-04-2007

Re: Passport Application

Quote from: Petlew
on one "page" proper white background as well.

Are you sure? The background needs to be grey/cream – see the link I provided earlier.
That aside though, it does sound like a nice helpful service. Smiley
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,149
Thanks: 51
Fixes: 2
Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Passport Application

Ah well, it was the authorised colour (at the time) may well have been more cream.
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.