cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

One for Marenello

pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

One for Marenello

The Ferrari F1 team fired their entire pit crew yesterday.


This announcement followed Ferrari's decision to take advantage of the
British government's 'Work for the Dole' scheme and employ some
Liverpudlian youngsters.
The decision to hire them was brought about by a recent documentary on
how unemployed youths from Toxteth were able to remove a set of wheels
in less than 6 seconds without proper equipment, whereas Ferrari's
existing crew could only do it in 8 seconds with millions of pounds
worth of high tech equipment.
It was thought to be an excellent, bold move by the Ferrari management
team as most races are won and lost in the pits, giving Ferrari an
advantage over every other team.
However, Ferrari got more than they bargained for! At the crew's first
practice session, not only was the scouse pit crew able to change all
four wheels in under 6 seconds, but within 12 seconds they had
re-sprayed, re-badged and sold the car to the Mclaren team for 8 cases
of Stella, a bag of weed and some photos of Coulthard's bird in the
shower!
4 REPLIES
Mand
Grafter
Posts: 5,560
Thanks: 1
Registered: 05-04-2007

Re: One for Marenello

I shouldn't laugh at that having a few scousers in the family, but I'm gonna Cheesy
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 25,789
Thanks: 1,134
Fixes: 47
Registered: 14-04-2007

Re: One for Marenello

Grin Grin Grin
Customer and Forum Moderator.
Product of the Tyrell Corporation
maranello
Aspiring Pro
Posts: 934
Thanks: 74
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-01-2008

Re: One for Marenello


Nice one Pierre. I'm touched.
For more laughs on a related theme, see below, courtesy of Murray Walker.
Quote
"He's obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can't
see it"
"With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go"
"Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna's Lotus sounding rough ?"
"Anything happens in Grand Prix racing and it usually does"
"Alboreto has dropped back up to fifth place"
"As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is
5th"
"I can't imagine what kind of problem Senna has. I imagine it must be some
sort of grip problem"
"He is shedding buckets of adrenalin in that car"
"It's raining and the track is wet"
"And there's just a few more corners for Nigel Mansell to go to win the
Canadian Grand Prix...and...he's going rather slow....HE'S STOPPING HE'S
STOPPING!"
"and this is the third placed car about to lap the second placed car"
Murray: "What's that? There's a BODY on the track!!!"
James: "Um, I think that that is a piece of BODY-WORK, from someone's car."
Murray: There's a fiery glow coming from the back of the Ferrari
James: No Murray, that's his rear safety light
"...Cruel luck for Alesi, second on the grid. That's the first time he had
started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier
this year..."
"Well let's, uh, lugsh, luxurrriate in a little hypothesis and try to work
out what, if anything, is wrong with Alain Prost. Has he got tire problems?
Very unlikely. Is Prost having fuel trouble? Well, who knows? I think it's
a bit unlikely. Is Prost having gearbox trouble? I can't tell you. And
since P, uh, Prost is unlikely to come on the radio and let me know you'll
have to guess along with me."
"That's 55 laps completed by both Prost and Berger and and and and and the
expeeerrrienced Alain Prost is really responding."
"And there's the man in the green flag!"
"The Jordan factory is at the factory gates"
"...and there's no damage to the car.....except to the car itself."
"The beak of Ayrton Senna's chicken is pulling ahead"
"and I interrupt myself to bring you this...."
"This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up,
but down as well."
"Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is
the action, which it is."
"This has been a great season for Nelson Piquet, as he is now known, and
always has been"
"And the first five places are filled by five different cars."
"...the lead is now 6.9 seconds. In fact it's just under 7 seconds"
"Tambay's hopes , which were nil before, are absolutely zero now."
"You can't see a digital clock because there isn't one."
"I'm applying intelligence and observation to the situation..."
"Schumacher's appeal for ignoring the chequered flag is next Tuesday."
"...the enthusiastic enthusiasts..."
"...but Here is Now and There is Damon Hill..."
"...and the Peugeot cup of misery is filled past overflowing..."
"We're watching the Finnish Driver who is third, but he won't for very much
llllong...oh yeah, he might be actually"
"And an enormous gap building before Mika Hakkinen goes through in third
position...when I say enormous it's 1.5 seconds"
"Schumacher is still the fastest man on the track, not only by virtue of the
fact that he leads the Australian Grand Prix, but he also holds the fastest
lap"
"Eddie Irvine with smoke pouring up from the eng...I suspect something's
locked up and he's out of the race"
"And Alesi spins there...spins out of the race, surely... "Yes!...NO!
Alesi manages to keep the engine, does not stall, but of course he will have
lost the place I think. No! he's kept the place"
"Yes, the beauty of this race is that it is totally unpredictable"
"Michael Schumacher leading Damon Hill by four tenths of a second or so,
because it's moving...[cut to Hill under Schu's rear wing] AND THAT'S NOT
FOUR TENTHS OF A SECOND! That's Michael Schumacher!"
Murray: "And there are flames coming from the back of Prost's car as he
enters the swimming pool."
James: "Well, that should put them out then."
"...and he's lost both right front tyres"
"Alesi is in second place and Hill is in second place..."
"As you can see, visually, with your eyes..."
"Andrea de Cesaris...the man who has won more Grands Prix than anyone else
without actually winning one of them."
"Oh that's the Forti, and, it looks like, err, its Roberto Moreno's car ,
the err Brazilian .. I was going to say the elderly Brazilian , he's only 36
but he's actually the oldest driver in the race at the present moment,
though he's just retired from it!"
"....Schumacher crosses the line to start another lap, and there's nothing
there!"
"Right underneath me, Michael Schumacher!"
"I hate to be a Jeremiah, but I have to tell you that the clouds are
lowering..."
"... this is the part of the circuit where the Williams tends to be, not
tends to be is slower than the Benetton historically, today."
"The Benetton handling superbly as ever. Williams have worked very very hard
on this car at the beginning of the season."
"And we have had 5 races so far this year, Brazil, Argentina, Imola,
Schumacher and Monaco!"
"And Damon Hill is coming into the pit lane, yes it's Damon Hill coming into
the Williams pit, and Damon Hill in the pit, no it's Michael Schumacher!"
"And there's a dry line appearing in the tunnel [pause] Obvious really as it
has a roof"
"...and now, just in case there is any CONFUSION this is the race order on
lap 19: David Coulthard leads and has yet to stop; Hakkinen leads and has
yet to stop..."
"Nigel Mansell - the man of the race - the man of the day - the man from the
Isle of Man"
"An Achilles heel for the McLaren team this year, and it's literally the
heel because it's the gearbox"
"And now the boot is on the other Schumacher"
"The atmosphere is so tense you could cut it with a cricket stump"
"Alain Prost is in a commanding second place"
"Now the Frenchman Jacques Lafitte is as close to Surer as Surer is to
Lafitte"
"I am inclined to go over the top and I know it. I am communicating an
electric situation"
"I like to think I come over as a slightly over-the-top enthusiast. It is a
very exciting sport after all"
"We're now on the 73rd lap and the next one will be the 74th."
"Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh no he isn't! It's a lap
record."
"It's not quite a curve, it's a straight actually."
"And Senna wins the 1999 Monaco Grand Prix"
"This race will actually develop into a Grand prix"
"..and Damon Hill is following Damon Hill"
"Jean Alesi is 4th and 5th"
"Schumacher has made his final stop three times!"
"And that just shows you how important the car is in Formula One racing"
"Stop! Stop! Look! Look! It's a Williams, and I'm guessing that's Jacques
Villeneuve, I can't tell you for sure because I can't see from here. And so
Villeneuve retires .... it's Hill! Damon Hill is out of the Monza Grand
Prix!"
"They're now on lap 68, which means there's one, two, three, four, five laps
to go before the end of the Hungarian Grand Prix"
"And he's done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round
figures".
"Into lap 53, the penultimate last lap but one"
"Nigel Mansell is the last person in the race apart from the five in front
of him."
"I'll stop my startwatch"
"And Damon Hill is six.....1!2!3!4!5!6! seconds ahead!", "Schumacher started
22nd- he's gone past 21!20!19!18!17!"
"There goes Panis in the Prost. For years we knew them as Ligiers, because
that is what they were called."
"And I usually say that if anything is going to go wrong with the car, it has
done by now, but I'm not going to say that about Jacques Villeneuve.... Oh,
I already have."
"Rally points scoring is 20 for the fastest, 18 for the second fastest,
right down to 6 points for the slowest fastest."
Murray: There's a car coming into the pits now, they're so unreliable with
all those electronics on board.
James: Actually, Murray, one of his wheels has just fallen off.
"The two Britons running in second and third, Irvine and Fisichel...Herb...
er...oh..."
"and thats one of the mechanics using a feeler guage to measure the depth of
tread in the slick"
"He will not produce a winner, but if he can produce second, it will be the
next best thing."
"And Panis is almost literally laughing his head of in that car."
Murray : And Coulthard is now on the inside, AND HE'S GOING THROUGH!!!
Martin : That's a replay, Murray.
"I don't make mistakes. I make prophecies which immediately turn out to be
wrong"
My other car isn't a Ferrari
techguy
Grafter
Posts: 2,540
Registered: 12-09-2008

Re: One for Marenello

F1 hasn't been the same since Murray hung up his microphone.
He might have often stated the obvious but he was more enthusiastic than the current crop.