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Never ever again part 3

thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Never ever again part 3

Before i begin this latest epistle to the heathens(lol), i noticed a post earlier by someone moaning  that  they could not understand the overseas call centre and then to add insult, they suggested they also had difficulty in undestanding scottish people.
As an ex glaswegin Cheesy" am in nae doobt thut ye wee engleesh bampots counnae understan the beano Grin
Now to the post never ever again: written in my best english exile accent lol.

I was walking the wee dog in the village, when suudenly the skies broke and down it came. so i hastened to take shelter in the
promenade arcade.
Alas to my chagrin, there was dot and pot. Quite why she is called pot has always baffled me, but once you hear her differential semanitic outpourings, you soon come to realise why she is called pot by the locals.
Dot said ....oh its ma bonnie wee laddie. We need you to come with us.
My heart sank.
Iv got the dog with me i protested. 
Aww  disnae mattur. we 'll gee him a wee treat.
Where are we going i asked?
Tae a wee spiritual  replied pot.
Oh no no i had enough of the last happy day evening poo. at the church.
She means a seance said  dot.
Why would i or the dog want to go to a seance? Sounds  like a dead end to me .
Pot roared hysterically oh ya wee bampot ya funny wee man .
In the interests of good neighbourhood community relations and also out of a sense of nosyness i agreed to tag along to this weird seance or spirituaL or whatever. knowing pot and dot, i really expected it to be the biggest load of  ( CENSORED)
We arrived at angela 's wee house  (  never thot an angel  a  would be holding a seance lol
It was dark in the room and we all sat round a wee table in the kitchen holding hands.
I need the toilet i said. Pot told me second door on left.
Refreshed i returned to the table. The dog(  what a sensible dog........had gone to sleep)
Angela had lit a holy candle shed nicked from the church last winter.
We all held hands. i held my breath as well  and closed my legs.
  A  long spell (no pun intended) of time passed and suddenly angela screamed 'Its willie'
I checked my zip....all was in order so i refocused on angela.
Its wiilie and hes gonna jump.
jump where i asked

shhhh dont interrupt.
well i was going to catch him

I experienced a sharp pain in my lower extremities.
.omg said angela  thers a fire.  i can see smoke.
where? i asked
shh its willie on fire.
hes on fire?  tell him to give up smoking

shut it ya wee bamopot
willies asking wheres john.
second door on left i said iv just been.
dot poked me in  my most delicate spot.
hes jumped oh dear god hes falling  hes falling      ......screams    oh dear lord.
bang  the screen has gone    silence.
Pot began to cry.
Dot got to feet and threw up
I looked at the dog who by this time was clearly convinced that we  were all prime candidates for immediate admission to broadmoor.
oh i see the waves angela said
well wave back i suggested..
right thats it your making a fool of me and off she stormed.  The seance or whatever you call it had clear;y ended.
On the way home i met benny the local walking  talking version of wikpedia.
I told him of this latest ghastly experience.

Thats very strange he said. He scratched his head. Now thats really weird.
In what way?
Well pot's grandfather was in the raf and his plane was shot down just after d -day over dover or somewhere near.
Was his name willie.?
No iv neve rheard of willie but ill check.
A few weeks later i met benny and he said in a very strange voice remember you asked me about willie?
yes.

Well i searched the va records and wiilie was  the gunner in the aircraft that john was flying, when they were shot down over the channel.

Do you mean to say angela had connected with her grandfather and his gunner?
well it sounds weird  doesnt it?
Suddenly i felt a chill and i couldnt get home fast enough.
4 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,850
Registered: 11-08-2007

Re: Never ever again part 3

that's a rich and vivid imagination you have there thisoldman.  Cheesy  you got any more amusing 'anecdotes'?
thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Re: Never ever again part 3

morning dear articifer.  glad yee enjoyed the wee story. Aye when you live in a wee village full of bampots, freaks and prescott lookalikes, well you have to expect these things.
Smiley More to follow soon Grin
thisoldman
Grafter
Posts: 1,220
Thanks: 2
Registered: 06-04-2009

Re: Never ever again part 3

Part 4    comming soon is about the pensioners trip to a swingers evening at a local hotel. Cheesy
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,850
Registered: 11-08-2007

Re: Never ever again part 3

woot!  i shall look forward to that. Smiley