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John Cleese on Terror Threats

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 190
Registered: 12-08-2007

John Cleese on Terror Threats

A funny piece by John Cheese.
Quote
ALERTS TO TERROR THREATS IN 2011 EUROPE
By John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher
levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far, no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
5 REPLIES
Community Veteran
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Registered: 01-08-2007

Re: John Cleese on Terror Threats

lol
I need a new signature... i'm bored of the old one!
Steve
Pro
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Registered: 13-07-2009

Re: John Cleese on Terror Threats

I liked that artmo, Thanks  Smiley
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Re: John Cleese on Terror Threats

That cheered me no end Grin
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pierre_pierre
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Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: John Cleese on Terror Threats

I though John Cleese and the Germans spelt it the english way
Quote
A neighbour (American spelling neighbor) .
Community Veteran
Posts: 18,545
Thanks: 190
Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: John Cleese on Terror Threats

Yes I thought it was rather funny and typical Cleese Grin Grin Grin