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Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

Two women were playing golf,one teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed straight for a foursome of men playing at the next hole,the ball hit one of the men and he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony
the woman rushed towards the man and began to apologise
"please allow me to help,i am a physical therapist and i know i could relieve your pain if youd allow me" she told him "i'll be fine in a few minutes",the man replied
he was in obvious agony lying in the foetal position still grasping his hands together at his groin at her persistence however, he finally allowed her to help she gently took his hands away and put them by his side, loosened his trousers and put her hand onside,she administered
tender and artful massage for several minutes then asked "how does that feel"
he replied
Roll eyes
"it feels great,but i still think that my thumb is broken"
Cool
7 REPLIES
Bob_Milton
Grafter
Posts: 688
Registered: 31-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

18 Reasons Why Golf Is Better Than Sex
a.. You don't have to sneak your golf magazines into the house.
b.. If you are having trouble with golf, it is perfectly acceptable to pay a professional to show you how to improve your technique
c.. The Ten Commandments do not say anything about golf.
d.. If your partner takes pictures or videotapes of you golfing, you don't have to worry about them showing up on the Internet, then you become famous
e.. Your golf partner won't keep asking questions about other partners you've golfed with
f.. It's perfectly respectable to golf with a total stranger
g.. When you see a really good golfer, you don't have to feel guilty about imagining the two of you golfing together.
h.. If your regular golf partner isn't available, he/she won't object if you golf with someone else.
i.. Nobody will ever tell you that you will go blind if you golf by yourself.
j.. When dealing with a golf pro, you never have to wonder if they are really an undercover cop.
k.. You don't have to go to a sleazy shop in a seedy neighborhood to buy golf stuff.
l.. You can have a golf calendar on your wall at the office, tell golf jokes and invite co-workers to golf with you without getting sued for harassment
m.. There is no such thing as a golf transmitted disease
n.. If you want to watch golf on television, you don't have to subscribe to a premium cable channel.
o.. Nobody expects you to promise to golf with just one partner for the rest of your life.
p.. Nobody expects you to give up golfing if your partner loses interest in the game.
q.. You don't have to be a newlywed to plan a vacation primarily for the enjoyment of golf.
r.. Your golf partner will never say, "What? We just golfed last week! Is that all you ever think about?"
Bob_Milton
Grafter
Posts: 688
Registered: 31-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

Why Golf Is Better Than Sex (2)
A below par performance is considered good.
You can stop in the middle and have a cheeseburger and a couple of beers.
You can still make money doing it as a senior.
It's much easier to find the sweet spot.
Foursomes are encouraged.
Three times a day is possible.
Your partner doesn't hire a lawyer if you do it with someone else.
If you live in Florida, you can do it every day.
You don't have to cuddle with your partner when you're finished.
If your equipment gets old and rusty, you can replace it.
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

Why are these Americans good at golf

Did you know that O.J. Simpson, Monica Lewinsky, Ted Kennedy, and President Bill Clinton are all avid golfers?
O.J.'s a slicer, Monica's a hooker, Ted Kennedy can't drive over water, and Clinton can't seem to hit the right hole!

N/A

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

I think you should re-name this topic 'Golf Jokes'
Certainly brightened up my afternoon (as if an impending holiday and brilliant sunshine isn't enough!)
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

Use old golf balls

Ralph goes for a quick round of golf, and at the first tee, Bill is about to tee off in front of him. Bill takes a brand new ball out of his bag, unwraps it and places it on the tee and slices into the trees.
"Damn!" He reaches into his bag and takes out another brand new ball, unwraps it, and tees it up. Thwack! He then hooks it miles into the bushes.
"Damn!" He stomps back to his bag for another ball, when Ralph approaches him. "Err, excuse me, but I notice you're losing a lot of brand new balls. Why don't you use an old one?" Bill looks at Ralph.
"Cos I've never blowdy had one!"
Bob_Milton
Grafter
Posts: 688
Registered: 31-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

All right then; another weekend activity;
For ramblers:-
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: Its Nearly Saturday - Where do all the Happy people go during the week?

I thought James said this was the Golf Channel



Equal privileges

A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week.
The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club, and became active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!