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Is it their fault

Community Veteran
Posts: 7,928
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Registered: 02-08-2007

Is it their fault

In a previous post regarding benefit claimants reference was made to a small number of claimants who are unwilling to work or lack the initiative to improve their chances of finding work but is it always their fault ?
Successive governments have ruined our education and welfare system so if a child is brought up in circumstances where the environment is poor such as an estate with gangs of kids causing trouble along with drink and drugs what chance does he or she stand in obtaining work that will provide a decent life style ?
Of course there are exceptions, some of those who reach top positions in life have had very poor backgrounds,  even one child in a large family may prove to be the exception and do well but in the majority of cases I suspect that those children brought up in circumstances where the parents or parent neglects them, spending more time down the pub than with their children or subjects their children to physical or verbal abuse then we should not be surprised that on reaching adulthood they copy the behaviour they have been subject too or if they are of a more sensitive nature end up with a lack of confidence and possibly lifelong depression.
6 REPLIES
Community Veteran
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: Is it their fault

It's certainly not the children's fault.  It is difficult to know how to encourage a bright child when the parents show no interest.  I do have faith in some of the ideas being actioned by Michael Gove where under privileged children get extra help in an attempt to improve their chances.  One very good move is the breakfast clubs.  It has been proved that children who get a good meal to start the day will perform better in the classroom. 
Community Veteran
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Registered: 01-08-2007

Re: Is it their fault

I had a [Censored] start, one parent who was a lazy **** and couldn't really be bothered to do anything to help me.
I used to get the wooden spoon for being bullied at school and not doing well because of it. Instead of helping me with things like maths I'd get told to DIY and when i said I couldn't, no help was on offer. I was 8 years old FFS. Consequently the wooden spoon came out as punishment. Some days I'd find it hard just to sit down. By the time I reached 9 I cracked. My parent started bricking it and suddenly there was a massive spat with my teacher at school in their own attempt to pass the buck.
I wanted to do something technical as a job but my parent with their dellusions wanted me to be a barrister and decided to waste years of my life trying to force me into law. I knew nothing about law, had no interest in it and frankly my english skills simply were not good enough anyway at the time. My parent was utterly dellusional and wanted to destroy my chances of doing anything that might involve tools and machines - you know, the dirty mucky stuff that blokes like so much. I was utterly hated by the only person I had that cared for me because I didn't want to do law and did not understand it.
No other family to help me, the government didn't want to know either. On top of all of that my parent pulled the ill health card and used me pretty much as a slave and despite the wooden spoon and all the other negative **** that was inflicted on me, I was supposed to think my life was wonderful. The truth is, my life was [Censored]. No friends (parent had isolated me), nothing in common with other kids my age (not even a colour TV yet alone a nintendo or RC car etc) and nothing but negative propaganda coming out my parents mouth to make me feel like everything was impossible.
Today I saw a program called the secret millionaire. It was about a bloke in the USA who made a program in his teens on his first computer and started selling round his neighbourhood. I found myself thinking WOW! Thing is though, I have no confidence in doing something like that myself as I was always taught that there was a bad side to everything and that because of that, nothing could be achieved. It's now so bl**dy instinctive that nothing gets done in my life because I simply expect it not to work out and give up on it. Add to that the lack of support from the state and the NHS who've been trying to ruin me for years and it just seems to reinforce it all.
Parents should be tested by the state every 6 months to make sure they're suitable if you ask me. If you have bad parents you're pretty much screwed for life. Then for the privilege of having been kicked in the teeth repeatedly through life from your earliest years, you get it from more people like I used to with artmo (who has admittedly been totally different recently).
I need a new signature... i'm bored of the old one!
RichAllen
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Registered: 14-09-2013

Re: Is it their fault

I was sent to a "special" School for my secondary years due to being disabled.
To cut a long, angst filled story short I hated every second of being in the place, and it if hadn't been for my ex-girlfriend I would've run away from there after the first day, because the local bully threatened to beat me up purely because I wear a hearing aid.

Community Veteran
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Registered: 02-08-2007

Re: Is it their fault

I Wonder if one of the causes is due to the way the parents themselves were brought up ?
It can of course work both ways, the parents of someone who was an alcoholic may grow up to totally abstain from booze due to the damage they saw it do or children treated badly may ensure that their own children never suffer in the same way.
I Often wonder if some of the young people who join fringe religious groups and the like do so because they are given the attention which has been denied them by their parents or parent.
It's a very complex subject but the sad part is that things done or not done to you in your early years usually effect you for the rest of your life.
Community Veteran
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Registered: 29-10-2008

Re: Is it their fault

Sounds like you're thinking about Larkin (language warning on link), or possibly Sondheim.
Maybe attachment theory gets a bit intellectualised in places, but it does support the idea that the psychological strategies an infant adopts to cope with poor or missing relationships with its primary carers can predispose it to have difficulties in forming relationships with others, including its own children, later in life. That's not to suggest that one can't transcend one's early programming but it has the potential to make it pretty darned difficult.
Gabe
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Registered: 02-08-2007

Re: Is it their fault

You have found some good links there ! It's in line with what I was saying but presents it much better ! Smiley