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Industrial Action - Funny

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,543
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Industrial Action - Funny

UK Suicide Bombers Go on Strike
BBC News

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife.

Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.

The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by 25% this February from 72 to 54.

A spokesman said increases in recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a shortage of virgins in the afterlife.

The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote.

General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."

Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief executive Haisheet Mapants, explained, “I sympathize with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day jihad in a competitive marketplace.

“Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditures or laying people off. I don't like cutting benefits but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up.”

Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland, Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would not hurt their membership as there are so few virgins in their areas anyway.

According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle.

Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
5 REPLIES
jab1
Seasoned Pro
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Re: Industrial Action - Funny

Thanks artmo - that has just spilt half a mug of coffee. Grin  Crazy
John
Community Veteran
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Registered: 11-08-2007

Re: Industrial Action - Funny

cue the feminists - "that's so horribly sexist!"
rongtw
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Re: Industrial Action - Funny

It may be sexist , but its FUNNY  Cheesy Cheesy
lets hope some nambys dont hijack it
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Community Veteran
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Re: Industrial Action - Funny

Nobody said the virgins would be female... Grin
Community Veteran
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Registered: 30-08-2007

Re: Industrial Action - Funny

Er! can we expect other unions to take sympathetic wild-cat action, the London Underground drivers unions don't need too much encouragement to stop work for 24 hours for instance. Have any Jihadists been sacked unfairly? And then there's the Health and Safety issues to be considered.
As a matter of interest, will one of the University Boat Race reserve boats have to be renamed to avoid confusion?
Experience; is something you gain, just after you needed it most.

When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you. But because in that brief moment while the coin is in the air. You suddenly know what you are hoping for.