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If your car could travel at the speed of light...

Aspiring Legend
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If your car could travel at the speed of light...

Cousin in Canada sent me this earlier, and just too funny not to share. 😄

'If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the guy who once said:  "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently than most of us do'

Here are some of his gems:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

And the all-time favorite.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?


Don't limit the friends you haven't met with arguments you'll never have.
29 REPLIES 29
Aspiring Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

35. Is not possible.

"In The Beginning Was The Word, And The Word Was Aardvark."

Moderator
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

Exceeding the sound barrier (767 mph) was believed to be impossible.

People believed the Earth was the centre of the known Universe.

Some people even believed the Earth was flat.

Customer and Forum Moderator. Windows 10 Firefox 84.0.2 (64-bit)

Aspiring Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

A car travelling at the speed of light would have infinite mass and would require infinite energy to accelerate it to that speed.

"In The Beginning Was The Word, And The Word Was Aardvark."

Aspiring Legend
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

Everything is possible  - "The opportunities of man are limited only by his imagination"

Charles Kettering. 

Don't believe what Star Trek's Scotty tells you, Captain Kirk was always proving him wrong! 


Don't limit the friends you haven't met with arguments you'll never have.
Aspiring Champion
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

Assuming a hypothetical yes to 35, the headlights would work but you wouldn't see anything, it would still be the darkness of space. As your travelling at the same speed as light the light from the headlamps would never get ahead of you to illuminate anything.

Community Veteran
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

To quote another poster on this forum....

Never say never.

Community Veteran
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...


@Strat wrote:

Exceeding the sound barrier (767 mph) was believed to be impossible.

People believed the Earth was the centre of the known Universe.

Some people even believed the Earth was flat.


Some still believe the earth is flat.....and we will rejoin the EU.

😊

Seasoned Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

@gleneagles Don't tempt them back - it's been lovely and peaceful round here today.😂

John
Aspiring Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

If those blasted Brexiters start again, this will be another thread to unsubscribe from.

BTW Hasn't anyone looked at this new-fangled relativity thing, yet?

"In The Beginning Was The Word, And The Word Was Aardvark."

Anonymous
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

@jab1 A late addition especially for you:

36. If the Leader of the Opposition were in a senior role in Government, what on earth would he be in opposition to?

Seasoned Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

crying 6.gif

John
Aspiring Legend
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

@gleneagles 

Talk of the devil... 😈


Don't limit the friends you haven't met with arguments you'll never have.
Seasoned Hero
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...

@Minivanman Only allowed in the 'Fables & Folklore' board.😁

John
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Re: If your car could travel at the speed of light...


@VileReynard wrote:

A car travelling at the speed of light would have infinite mass and would require infinite energy to accelerate it to that speed.


For the purposes of a joke you can suspend normality in the interest of having a laff....unless you sense of humour has been surgically removed ( or there wasn't one to remove ).