cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

I want my Mummy...

Infinity
Pro
Posts: 5,601
Thanks: 148
Fixes: 2
Registered: 19-06-2011

I want my Mummy...

A close friend of ours is on a Private School Board of Governors
They had to deal with a case of Bullying last week.
A senior pupil had been bullying a younger pupil over a period of time, a bit of pushing, but mostly words.
And usually out of sight of others. Or whispered comments if others were nearby.
It appears that the older bully was resentful that though he had his fee paying boarding place secured by his family, who always appeared to be in America, the younger day pupil had been admitted under a Scholarship, and was demonstrably more intelligent.

Finally, the younger pupil fought back, and thumped the bully, causing him to have a bloodied nose.
Witnesses saw this, apparently the older bully ran away, crying “I want my Mummy”…

The discussion was who was to blame ?

As the bullying had no physical evidence, yet the bullied had caused physical damage to the bullys’ face, he was deemed to be at fault.
The bully was hauled before the Headmaster, and told off, the bullied pupil was warned if he hit the bully again, he would face suspension.

Once this had happened, other bullied pupils came forwards, and so a pattern emerged.
Irate parents asked why this hadn’t been stopped in its’ tracks, and why had the bully been allowed to continue his bullying ?

So the Board now have to formulate a new policy regarding bullying, in addition to the apparent ineffectual policy already in place.
This will be discussed at the next PTA, there is also a weekly Pupils Forum.
Thoughts ?
41 REPLIES
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,674
Thanks: 109
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

if its simple to establish who a bully is then the answer is to suspend that child immediately regardless if they are the one who has suffered a physical consequence, an then hold a school assembly to inform everyone there has been a case of bullying reported and name the individual suspended, inform the student body this behaviour is not tolerated, make mention that all pupils should report any bullying to a staff member immediately and if tit hasn't yet been reported they should do so immediately after the assembly, collate any evidence and send any offenders off to  re-education classes,
the problem here is that bullying has been conducted and the victim had enough and did what his parents probably told him to and stood up the brat, what you need to be seen to do is telling him off for violence (a 1 hour detention where he gets to write lines would be perfect) nut not going overboard, because you want any victims to know they are allowed to fight back but they should jump strait to fisticuffs
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
TORPC
Grafter
Posts: 5,163
Registered: 08-12-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

One issue that has not been mentioned, is that,
A bully likes to put the fear of god into the ones that they bully, & make them to frightened to speak out in the 1st instance
It is only when the elastic band scenario of the bullied stretches to far that they either hit out or god forbid (take the worst way out)
The other issue is (no-one ever sees or hears anything) even if they did, they might be to scared to say something, for fear of being called a grass etc
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,770
Thanks: 33
Fixes: 1
Registered: 08-10-2010

Re: I want my Mummy...

Bullying is an age old problem. There is no practical response whilst we have a nanny state.
My granddaughter and her friend were bullied and assaulted resulting in her friend going to hospital for x-rays and observation.
The schools response?..Call the victims parents in and 'suggest' it might be better if the victims went to a different school.  (I kid you not!!).
I was bullied at school. I was attacked in a hallway between lessons. The French teacher came out and suggested we fight it out in the boxing ring at lunch time. Apparently he new I was quite a handy amateur boxer, the bullies didn't. One broken nose later and the other one pulling his gloves and running away - I never got bullied again.
Would never happen nowadays.
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 16,562
Thanks: 1,801
Fixes: 125
Registered: 06-04-2007

Re: I want my Mummy...

I was bullied at both primary and grammar school and it can really hit one's confidence not just at the time but later in life.
Having said that I wish I had stood up to the bullies just once. I may have ended up with a bloody nose myself but at least the bullying would most likely have stopped. At least, it did with others who took a stand. The more scared you appear to be the more the bullying will continue.
Contacting the parents never seems to get anywhere as it appears they are usually to type of parents who just don't care or can't believe their little darling could ever do such a thing.

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

Community Veteran
Posts: 1,990
Thanks: 5
Registered: 11-12-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

I concur with Mav.
With bullying it seems is only 2 ways out.
Change schools or fight back.
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,674
Thanks: 109
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

being bullied is one of the many parts of school life that is distasteful, but it does give life lessons to the victims, like the majority of kids I was bullied I stood up for myself, it deterred future bullying but it did get me into some trouble as I went with the put them down and make them stay down school of thought..... but it did put me in a better position as an adult when faced with similar situations as I was then able to explain to people there actions were going to lead to them getting hurt if they persisted and inevitably being forced to make good on that statement once or twice.
other people I knew of didn't learn that lesson in school and as such were continually bullied and always running away from the problem rather than standing firm and putting a stop to the problem.
then there were people who had never been a bully or a victim through school and completely collapsed under the pressure of it in the workplace many of whom resorted to self harming or mental breakdown, so it seems that perhaps some limited bullying can be a good thing, not to be advocated and always stamped on when reported or noticed (proving the people in authority do act in the interests of the victim and being seen to do so across the school population so re-enforcing the message bullying is bad) which will have the unintended consequence of ramming home a message that cannot be taught in the anti bullying lessons .....
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
TORPC
Grafter
Posts: 5,163
Registered: 08-12-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

@nanotm
Bullying in any capacity, should be a complete NO - NO & should never be tolerated
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 16,562
Thanks: 1,801
Fixes: 125
Registered: 06-04-2007

Re: I want my Mummy...

Quote from: nanotm
, so it seems that perhaps some limited bullying can be a good thing, not to be advocated and always stamped on when reported or noticed

Bit like saying being hit by a bus can be a good thing as it makes you more alert - think the logic is a tad flawed there.
Of course, anything that doesn't kill you makes you stronger but to say some limited bullying can be a good thing is not neither helpful nor constructive. Out of interest what would call 'some limited bullying'?
In my experience any bullying whether verbal or physical can be harmful and detrimental to future happiness. How one (and their friends/family) deals with the bullying is important.

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 17,253
Thanks: 904
Fixes: 105
Registered: 11-01-2008

Re: I want my Mummy...

we've just moved a son schools partly because of bullying, since then he hasn't had one nightmare previously they were quite frequent.
Will Moderate For Thanks
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,674
Thanks: 109
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

@torpc you missed the part where I said "should never be advocated or tolerated.
its a problem that will never go away and until schools are prepared and allowed to take positive action against bullies nothing will come of the multitude of anti bullying initiatives, when most of us were at school you got the cane or expelled if you persisted with bad conduct, now they don't even suspend pupils and have no power to insist upon detentions, one school locally has been taken to court to prevent them under human rights laws from enforcing break time or lunchtime detentions on the grounds that it prevents the childs human rights .....

with such crass stupidity prevailing the only message being sent out is "the rules are only there for the weak, the strong can ignore them" and the average chav household of vile filth might not know how to spell but they know enough about their "rights" to stop punishments being conducted, safe in the knowledge their thuggish brat cannot be excluded or expelled from school, so its better to work out a way of dealing with the problem that doesn't require parental cooperation,
@dvork we had a similar experience when one of our now teenagers was being abused by a gang of scumers and even had abuse levelled at them by the scummier parents, both the police and the council were involved but the only solution was for our kid to move school as they couldn't find any viable alternative as further asbo's were pointless honour badges already being sported by the perpetrators .....
what this country needs is a return of the borstal system and authorities empowered to take action rather than prevented from doing so by foreign laws !
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
TORPC
Grafter
Posts: 5,163
Registered: 08-12-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

@nanotm
I didn't miss the part at all, as you clearly contradicted yourself tbh Wink
I just wanted to make it clear IAH Wink
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,674
Thanks: 109
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

IAH?
I don't see any contradiction, just acceptance that its never going to get eradicated so a consistent approach is required and when dealt with promptly and properly it can have positive implications for future life both in preventing the bully from further actions and the victim in asking for help
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
TORPC
Grafter
Posts: 5,163
Registered: 08-12-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

Quote from: nanotm
<snip>
so it seems that perhaps some limited bullying can be a good thing, not to be advocated and always stamped on when reported or noticed (proving the people in authority do act in the interests of the victim and being seen to do so across the school population so re-enforcing the message bullying is bad) which will have the unintended consequence of ramming home a message that cannot be taught in the anti bullying lessons .....

Does this help Wink
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,674
Thanks: 109
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: I want my Mummy...

they both say the same thing, bully is bad and shouldn't be encouraged, I don't see your point and I still don't get what IAH means
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you