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Humour

Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,743
Thanks: 4,609
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Humour

My wife is leaving me because of my OCD.

I told her to close the door 5 times on her way out.


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

Screenshot 2021-01-03 at 1.15.15 PM.png

Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

car.jpg

Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,743
Thanks: 4,609
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Humour

What does Jeff Bezos do every night before going to bed?

He puts his pyjamazon.


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

chat.jpegjob.jpegphonebooth.jpeg

Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

boris.jpg

Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

donot.jpgbehave (1).jpg

Aspiring Pro
Posts: 113
Thanks: 150
Fixes: 5
Registered: ‎02-01-2020

Re: Humour

I was in a bar having a pint when a woman glanced at my jeans and said "your garage doors are open"

I said, can you see the long shiny Cadillac inside?

No she said but I can see a Mini with 2 flat tyres.

Hero
Posts: 4,923
Thanks: 1,678
Fixes: 30
Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Humour

If Amazon delivery drivers were trained to give the vaccine, the whole population could be immunised by Saturday - Thursday if you've got Prime.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

ADSL2+   Billion 8800NL
Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,743
Thanks: 4,609
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Humour

Ordered some stuff on the internet earlier but accidentally used my organ Donor card instead of my credit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

Next week, I'm dressing up each day as different bread products for the BBC Bake-Off.Smiley Roll on Monday Roll_eyes

 

Unexpected frost overnight, so had to scrape the car windscreen, with a plastic discout card, but only got 10% off!Angry

Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

How times change.How times change.

Aspiring Champion
Posts: 903
Thanks: 406
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎11-04-2017

Re: Humour

trump.jpegmorph.jpgbeer.jpeg

Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,743
Thanks: 4,609
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Humour

A shop assistant fought off a robber with a labelling gun.

Police are looking for a man with a price on his head.


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
Hero
Posts: 4,923
Thanks: 1,678
Fixes: 30
Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Humour

EraCD09XUAEtdw7.jpg

“Do you remember, when we were in the Army, they used to put that stuff in our tea, that was designed to curb our carnal urges?”

“Oh yes .... er ... Bromide! That was it … well, what about it?”

“Well ... I think it’s starting to take effect.....”.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

ADSL2+   Billion 8800NL