Humour

[#1]

My wife is leaving me because of my OCD.

I told her to close the door 5 times on her way out.

[#2]

[#3]

[#4]

What does Jeff Bezos do every night before going to bed?

He puts his pyjamazon.

[#5]

[#6]

[#7]

[#8]

I was in a bar having a pint when a woman glanced at my jeans and said "your garage doors are open"

I said, can you see the long shiny Cadillac inside?

No she said but I can see a Mini with 2 flat tyres.

[#9]

If Amazon delivery drivers were trained to give the vaccine, the whole population could be immunised by Saturday - Thursday if you've got Prime.

[#10]

Ordered some stuff on the internet earlier but accidentally used my organ Donor card instead of my credit card.

Cost me an arm and a leg

[#11]

Next week, I'm dressing up each day as different bread products for the BBC Bake-Off. Roll on Monday 

Unexpected frost overnight, so had to scrape the car windscreen, with a plastic discout card, but only got 10% off!

[#12]

How times change.

[#13]

[#14]

A shop assistant fought off a robber with a labelling gun.

Police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

[#15]

“Do you remember, when we were in the Army, they used to put that stuff in our tea, that was designed to curb our carnal urges?”

“Oh yes .... er ... Bromide! That was it … well, what about it?”

“Well ... I think it’s starting to take effect.....”.