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How would you deal with this ?

Community Veteran
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Registered: 02-08-2007

How would you deal with this ?

A month ago some friends invited us for a meal at thier house, 3 course job with wine & other drinks, seems they are both into these cooking programs and trying different dishes out.
Last night we invited them round for a meal following the same set up which went well, during the course of the evening they said, this is great we must do this on a regular basis.
That's the problem, swmbo has no problem in cooking one course meals for us both but does not want to get involved in having people around on a regular basis for 3 course meals.
One option might have been to suggest dining out but it became clear this is something they have no interest in doing due to a combination of cost and the view that home cooked meals are usually much better than what you get when eating out plus you can see what goes into the things you are eating.
Not too sure how to deal with this as they are a nice couple whose friendship we would not wish to lose.
How would you deal with this ?

12 REPLIES
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

I can imagine that these sort of 'get-togethers' can become quite competitive as well which wouldn't be conducive to maintaining good friendships.
Maybe it's best to be honest from the outset stating what SWMBO has told you backing it up with your total agreement.
Maybe you could suggest that when it becomes your turn you would be happy to take them out for a meal if they still prefer to home cook when their turn?

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Re: How would you deal with this ?

We like to have friends round to dinner and invariably have three course meals BUT we do it infrequently as we don't often eat three course meals and so it is a treat. Were we to have friends round more often it would not be so special and could only probably eat one course, two at a push. Could you not put it across that your normal lifestyle did not include three course meals on a regular basis. We exercise regularly and find that level of eating does not fit in with our lifestyle and often affects sleep patterns and our sense of wellbeing. Could you approach it in that way ?
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

We do this with some old friends.
But, it happens only 3 or 4 times a year which suits us both.
We never set it down when we'll meet again - we just leave it to the 'host' couple to arrange the next session.
It works out well. As we each only have to host it a couple of times a year we all look forward to it and have plenty to talk about.
However, if you feel that it is something you would rather not do then be upfront about it. Perhaps say that you would prefer to arrange it on an ad-hoc arrangement!
Geoff,
York.
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

@mav,
You are certainly right about that competitive bit, swmbo was getting a bit stressed about what to make for when they came, everything went ok but we do not want to get into this as a ongoing thing, it's simply not us.
Doubt very much if they would go for the eating out suggestion but if they did it could be quite expensive assuming we were paying for 4 people, looking at even a 2 course meal for 4 plus drinks you would not have much change out of £100 at the average resturant.
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

If you have a good local restaurant would they cook for you and all you have to do is collect it? You'd have to be honest with your guests though Wink
As I type this I'm thinking of the Fawlty Towers Gourmet Night duck episode  Grin
TORPC
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

Quote from: Mav
<snip>
Maybe it's best to be honest from the outset stating what SWMBO has told you backing it up with your total agreement.
Maybe you could suggest that when it becomes your turn you would be happy to take them out for a meal if they still prefer to home cook when their turn?

Quote from: NedLudd
<snip>
However, if you feel that it is something you would rather not do then be upfront about it. Perhaps say that you would prefer to arrange it on an ad-hoc arrangement!

I think these would be the best course of action Wink
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

We have my sister and parents over around once a week and whatever I make usually takes a few hours to make - saves a fortune though. I can feed six of us for a tenner !
It is just what you are comfortable with - maybe try and take the focus off the food and make it a film or games night with the food being a non essential part of the evening. Homemade pizza / curry / pasta etc is fairly easy to knock up.
The company is more important in my eyes than the food so if your friends are disappointed with the evening then they may not be true friends !
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

I would try to explain that your lifestyle is one course meals,... and, although your swmbo has made a great effort to provide a "comparable" meal to what they provided, it was a really tough assignment for her, and she found it was a tad overwhelming for her... even with your help... ( or because of it.... if you want to take some pressure ! )...
If they are true "good friends" and "nice people"... then they should understand... and ... by all means, invite them round, but tell them not to expect too much... ( in the nicest possible way )... If they are so fickle, that they don`t want to come round, or don`t invite you around..... do you really need "friends" like that ?
itsme
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

Or instead of cooking everything on the day look at dishes that can be frozen. Then cook these at leisure, may be even cooking enough for you meal of the day then freezing the rest for the dinner party.
nanotm
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

do it on odd months and theme them so its food from around the world, that allows you to do simple finger food most of the time its your turn all of which can be prepared a day or two in advance and stored in lock n lock tubs in the fridge /freezer  then your turn is always cheap n easy, we used to do this years ago (when we had friends we didn't mind dining with in such a fashion) but once we did a midweek event and provided pot noodles (student evening theme) with shop bought cream cakes for pudding and a pack of Iceland party food snacks for starters Smiley
if you do something like that they might not want several courses off you in the future  Cool
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

Just say no.
Now Zen, but a +Net residue.
Community Veteran
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Re: How would you deal with this ?

The general gist of answers and the easiest is just to be honest about it, as several posts have stated if they are true friends then it will not be a problem.
If we had known them for a long time then we would have been that honest , it was just that we had not know them for long but got on well with them.
Thanks for the other suggested alternatives which were good ideas