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Have you heard the one about …

Community Veteran
Posts: 6,779
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Registered: ‎16-10-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Well the irony there is that it's gone way over my head. I just can't see it.

Luzern
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

On the heels of @Minivanman and elephant mouse theme:

Mouse to elephant: I've been told you say, I get up your nose quite often. I feel awful, and I don't want us to fall out.

Elephant to Mouse: Don't worry. We're pals, but Ithink a cold's coming on. My trunk's been quite stuffed up of late.

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
TTman
Pro
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Why do elephants have flat feet

To stamp out forest fires!!

 

How do elephants get flat feet

From jumping out of trees to stamp out forest fires!

 

How do you tell if an elephant has been in your fridge

By the footmarks in the butter!

 

Ill leave it there I dont think youll stand anymore YET!!!!!Angel

Minivanman
Seasoned Hero
Posts: 8,683
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Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Room for more surely?

How do you get four elephants in a mini.

Two in the front, two in the back! 

 

RobPN
Seasoned Champion
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Registered: ‎17-05-2013

Re: Have you heard the one about …

I'm resisting temptation to follow on from that one ...  Lips are sealed

Community Veteran
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Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.

=====

I was thinking of running a marathon, but I think it might be too difficult getting all the roads closed and providing enough water for everyone.

=====

How many ears does Spock have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear, and the final front-ear!


The more a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it -- George Orwell.

Beware "alternative facts".

"Nineteen Eighty-Four" is set in Landing Strip, which is understood to be Great Britain in the future, a division of Oceania, a superstate that is continually at war with other superstates. Currently being organised by an American administration near you.
Minivanman
Seasoned Hero
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Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

I just hate it when people complain over the internet. Roll eyes

TTman
Pro
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

@Minivanman  AW I saving that one for later!!!!Sad

 

How many rhinos can you get in the mini

 

NONE  is full of elephants!!!Thumbs Up

Moderator
Moderator
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Registered: ‎06-04-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Velcro? Now there's a rip-off!

++++++++++

The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.

++++++++++

I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."

++++++++++

phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays."
++++++++++
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood?" I said, "Where is he?"
++++++++++
Courtesy of TIM Vine.

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

Community Veteran
Posts: 6,779
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Registered: ‎16-10-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

I went in to the local Boots Chemist and asked the Swedish lady behind the counter for a deodorant.

Ball or Arsol she asked.

Neither I said it’s for my arm pits!

 

Community Veteran
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Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Teacher : What is 10 minus one.

Pupil: That will benign sir.

 

The Lord said to John, "Go fourth and I will give you eternal life"

John came fifth and won a tv.

Minesapint
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

"Are you a tassel?"

 

"No, I'm afraid not!"

Community Veteran
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Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Cartoon by Giles, of a couple getting divorced.

Picture of a Cow.....

The husband is pulling on the cow's horns.....

The Wife is pulling on the. Cow's tail.

In the middle of the Cow is a solicitor..,.milking it.

Smiley

This one might be pushing it a bit but here goes.....

What do you call a man with a small (censored)

Answer: Justin.

Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 19,552
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

Doug

 

What do you call a girl who sets light to her bills?

Bernadette

 

What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?

Cliff

 

What do you call a man with a plank on his head ?
Edward

 

What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head ?
Edward Woodward

 

What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head ?
I don't know but Edward Woodward would

 

What do you call a man with a car on his head ?
Jack

 

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

Minivanman
Seasoned Hero
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Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

@gleneagles 

Spot from Giles... almost, as from experience it's two solicitors milking the same cow. Tongue