Have you heard the one about …

[#1]

Just heard on the TV.

Brexit walks into a bar.

Barman says

"Hi Brexit! Why the long farce?"

[#2]

My dog must think he's a blacksmith, because when I kick him he makes a bolt for the door.

[#3]

Present, past, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

[#4]

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

[#5]

Paddy and Murphy walk into a bar and say to the barman ' we are building a rocket to go to the sun'

The barman says ' youll burn up and die if you go' 

Paddy says 'weve thought of that were going at night'

[#6]

For Sale

Headstone

Unused

Suit someone called Jack.

[#7]

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, said the teacher, but be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking frustrated and a bit embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked if he'd be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I still can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school longer, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?

Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards!".

[#8]

What do you call a friar's companion?

Prepare to groan folks!

A chip monk,

[#9]

---

@Anonymous wrote:

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, said the teacher, but be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking frustrated and a bit embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked if he'd be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I still can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school longer, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?

Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards!".

---

The way pants can twist round, I'm not too sure her needed to have them on backwards.

[#10]

Drunk walking home one night with a bottle of whisky in his pocket, trips and feels something wet running down his leg.....

" Please God let it be blood"

Chap goes to the barbers, how much is a haircut ?.......£ 5

How much is a shave ? £ 3

Shave my head.

[#11]

What do you call a bloke who has a car on his head?

Jack.

============

What do you call a bloke's brother who has a number plate on his head?

R-Reg.

============

What's green and turns to red at the touch of a button?

A frog in a blender.

[#12]

Never trust an atom - they make up everything.

[#13]

Even worse...

Elephant to Mouse, "why am I so big and yet you are so small?"

Mouse to Elephant, "I've been ill"

Groan. 

[#14]

@Minivanman  

[#15]

@Anonymous 

Irony?