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Have you heard the one about …

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Hero
Posts: 4,731
Thanks: 884
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

A bumptious man was showing off to his son's girl friend about his success in life from almost the gutter. He ends by saying, "\you see, dear, I really am a self made man". 

Girl shyly says, "That's wonderful, sir, but my daddy always tells me, ' if you want a job done well, get a professional in'!"".

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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Rising Star
Posts: 78
Thanks: 48
Registered: ‎28-06-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Q: What's made out of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

 

A: Trombones.

Pete
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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,297
Thanks: 4,244
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

..... so I asked Ryanair, what happened to my wife's missing luggage, and they told me they can't comment on individual cases. Crazy3


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
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Hero
Posts: 4,731
Thanks: 884
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Where is all W.i. cooks' dream holiday destination?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jamaica!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

?

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,297
Thanks: 4,244
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Jerusalem surely. Roll_eyes


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
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Hero
Posts: 4,731
Thanks: 884
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

@Minivanman  That's only for members, wh can cook artichokes.Tongue

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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Champion
Posts: 954
Thanks: 614
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

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Champion
Posts: 954
Thanks: 614
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Jigsaw puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

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Rising Star
Posts: 78
Thanks: 48
Registered: ‎28-06-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Acordian to statistics, nine out of ten people don't notice when random words are replaced by names of instruments.

Pete
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Hero
Posts: 4,738
Thanks: 1,438
Fixes: 27
Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Have you heard the one about …

I trust you won't harp on about it.

Ω is where the is
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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,297
Thanks: 4,244
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Richard Osman accidentally booked tickets to the Edinburgh Fridge Festival. Funny 
 

Accidentally just booked tickets to the Edinburgh Fridge Festival.


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
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Hero
Posts: 3,373
Thanks: 1,352
Fixes: 5
Registered: ‎17-05-2013

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Cool  Cool  

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Champion
Posts: 954
Thanks: 614
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Just read an  interesting article on the physics behind growing cos lettuces and how hard it can be.  I have to say, it’s not rocket science.

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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 12,297
Thanks: 4,244
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Are you going off on a tangent? 


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
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Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Sorry @Minivanman but your reply is as old as the arc Grin