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Have you heard the one about …

Minesapint
Grafter
Posts: 47
Thanks: 27
Registered: ‎10-11-2015

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Just heard on the TV.

 

Brexit walks into a bar.

Barman says

"Hi Brexit! Why the long farce?"

Community Veteran
Posts: 2,816
Thanks: 434
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Have you heard the one about …

My dog must think he's a blacksmith, because when I kick him he makes a bolt for the door.


The more a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it -- George Orwell.

Beware "alternative facts".

"Nineteen Eighty-Four" is set in Landing Strip, which is understood to be Great Britain in the future, a division of Oceania, a superstate that is continually at war with other superstates. Currently being organised by an American administration near you.
Community Veteran
Posts: 2,816
Thanks: 434
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Present, past, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.


The more a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it -- George Orwell.

Beware "alternative facts".

"Nineteen Eighty-Four" is set in Landing Strip, which is understood to be Great Britain in the future, a division of Oceania, a superstate that is continually at war with other superstates. Currently being organised by an American administration near you.
Community Veteran
Posts: 2,816
Thanks: 434
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Have you heard the one about …

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”


A time traveler walks into a bar.


The more a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it -- George Orwell.

Beware "alternative facts".

"Nineteen Eighty-Four" is set in Landing Strip, which is understood to be Great Britain in the future, a division of Oceania, a superstate that is continually at war with other superstates. Currently being organised by an American administration near you.
TTman
Pro
Posts: 353
Thanks: 196
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Paddy and Murphy walk into a bar and say to the barman ' we are building a rocket to go to the sun'

The barman says ' youll burn up and die if you go' 

Paddy says 'weve thought of that were going at night'

Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 28,285
Thanks: 2,386
Fixes: 292
Registered: ‎14-04-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

For Sale

Headstone

Unused

Suit someone called Jack.

Customer and Forum Moderator. Windows 10 Firefox 68.0.2 (64-bit)

Life is tough enough without adding Linux into the mix.
Highlighted
Community Veteran
Posts: 6,775
Thanks: 2,160
Fixes: 41
Registered: ‎16-10-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, said the teacher, but be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking frustrated and a bit embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked if he'd be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I still can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school longer, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?

Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards!".

 

Luzern
Champion
Posts: 4,158
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Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

What do you call a friar's companion?

 

Prepare to groan folks!

 

 

A chip monk,

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
Luzern
Champion
Posts: 4,158
Thanks: 626
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Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …


@Mook wrote:

Billy was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realised he desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Billy raised his hand politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, said the teacher, but be quick.

Five minutes later Billy returned, looking frustrated and a bit embarrassed. "I can't find it", he admitted.

The teacher sat Billy down and drew him a little diagram to where he should go and asked if he'd be able to find it now. Billy looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.

Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I still can't find it".

Frustrated, the teacher asked Little Johnny, a boy who has been at the school longer, to help him find the bathroom.

So, Little Johnny and Billy go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The teacher asks Little Johnny, "Well, did you find it"?

Little Johnny is quick with his reply, "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on backwards!".

 


The way pants can twist round, I'm not too sure her needed to have them on backwards.

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
Community Veteran
Posts: 9,303
Thanks: 1,358
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Registered: ‎02-08-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Drunk walking home one night with a bottle of whisky in his pocket, trips and feels something wet running down his leg.....

" Please God let it be blood"

 

Chap goes to the barbers, how much is a haircut ?.......£ 5

How much is a shave ? £ 3

Shave my head.

Community Veteran
Posts: 2,816
Thanks: 434
Fixes: 3
Registered: ‎04-08-2009

Re: Have you heard the one about …

What do you call a bloke who has a car on his head?

Jack.

============

What do you call a bloke's brother who has a number plate on his head?

R-Reg.

============

What's green and turns to red at the touch of a button?

A frog in a blender.


The more a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it -- George Orwell.

Beware "alternative facts".

"Nineteen Eighty-Four" is set in Landing Strip, which is understood to be Great Britain in the future, a division of Oceania, a superstate that is continually at war with other superstates. Currently being organised by an American administration near you.
198kHz
Seasoned Champion
Posts: 3,729
Thanks: 630
Fixes: 15
Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Never trust an atom - they make up everything.

To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
Minivanman
Seasoned Hero
Posts: 8,638
Thanks: 2,554
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Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Even worse...

Elephant to Mouse, "why am I so big and yet you are so small?"

Mouse to Elephant, "I've been ill"

 

Groan. Smiley

Community Veteran
Posts: 6,775
Thanks: 2,160
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Registered: ‎16-10-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Minivanman
Seasoned Hero
Posts: 8,638
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Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

@Mook 

Irony?

Smiley