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Have you heard the one about …

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Hero
Posts: 4,701
Thanks: 875
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

A bumptious man was showing off to his son's girl friend about his success in life from almost the gutter. He ends by saying, "\you see, dear, I really am a self made man". 

Girl shyly says, "That's wonderful, sir, but my daddy always tells me, ' if you want a job done well, get a professional in'!"".

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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Rising Star
Posts: 78
Thanks: 48
Registered: ‎28-06-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Q: What's made out of brass and sounds like Tom Jones?

 

A: Trombones.

Pete
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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 11,367
Thanks: 3,704
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

..... so I asked Ryanair, what happened to my wife's missing luggage, and they told me they can't comment on individual cases. Crazy3

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Hero
Posts: 4,701
Thanks: 875
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Where is all W.i. cooks' dream holiday destination?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jamaica!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

?

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 11,367
Thanks: 3,704
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Jerusalem surely. Roll_eyes

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Hero
Posts: 4,701
Thanks: 875
Fixes: 8
Registered: ‎31-07-2007

Re: Have you heard the one about …

@Minivanman  That's only for members, wh can cook artichokes.Tongue

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
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All Star
Posts: 649
Thanks: 421
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

She wanted a puppy. But I didn't want a puppy. So we compromised and got a puppy.

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All Star
Posts: 649
Thanks: 421
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Feeling pretty proud of myself. The Jigsaw puzzle I bought said 3-5 years, but I finished it in 18 months.

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Rising Star
Posts: 78
Thanks: 48
Registered: ‎28-06-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Acordian to statistics, nine out of ten people don't notice when random words are replaced by names of instruments.

Pete
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Hero
Posts: 3,933
Thanks: 816
Fixes: 18
Registered: ‎30-07-2008

Re: Have you heard the one about …

I trust you won't harp on about it.

When somebody says it’s not about the money, it’s about the money.
Aspiring Legend
Posts: 11,367
Thanks: 3,704
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Richard Osman accidentally booked tickets to the Edinburgh Fridge Festival. Funny 
 

Accidentally just booked tickets to the Edinburgh Fridge Festival.

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Aspiring Hero
Posts: 2,928
Thanks: 1,148
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Registered: ‎17-05-2013

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Cool  Cool  

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All Star
Posts: 649
Thanks: 421
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎26-01-2019

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Just read an  interesting article on the physics behind growing cos lettuces and how hard it can be.  I have to say, it’s not rocket science.

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Aspiring Legend
Posts: 11,367
Thanks: 3,704
Fixes: 1
Registered: ‎04-11-2014

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Are you going off on a tangent? 

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Anonymous
Not applicable

Re: Have you heard the one about …

Sorry @Minivanman but your reply is as old as the arc Grin