Have you heard the one about …

[#1]

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but the light bulb has to want to change.

[#2]

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb...ten

One to hold the bulb nine to spin the room round

[#3]

I hear that in Barnsley they have started rubbing ecstacy in thier mouths....

THEY CALL IT  'E BY GUM'

[#4]

In keeping with regional jokes. 

"I flew to Ireland once... I'm Welsh so I brought shorts, t-shirts, sunglasses; they don't even well them in Wales, I had to go to Bristol to buy them"

Rod Gilbert

[#5]

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@TTman wrote:

I hear that in Barnsley they have started rubbing ecstacy in thier mouths....

THEY CALL IT  'E BY GUM'

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Did you hear about that dyslexic raver that got off his face on an F?

[#6]

Was that the one who was also an agnostic insomniac - who lay awake all night wondering if there is a Dog?

[#7]

There's a bungalow near my bus stop called NADINA. Must have been a headache finding the name, an anagram of ANADIN.

Have you heard of the diversity advocate, who demanded jelly baby manufacturers introduce trans examples in the mix

[#8]

Ah yes those jelly baby jokes, I'd forgotton all about those. 

How can you tell which jelly babies are illegitimate?

Just turn the box upside down and all the bar-stewards fall out.

... still looking for my coat. 

[#9]

On a dark country lane late at night, a police patrol stopped to check a parked car in a layby.

After the usual preliminary questions, he asked the young lad behind the wheel what he was doing. “Reading a computer mag” he replied.

“And your girlfriend in the back?” he continued. “Oh, she’s knitting” said the lad.

“How old are you son? asked the officer. “Seventeen” he replied. “And your girlfriend?”

Glancing at his watch, he replied quietly “Sixteen in eleven and a half minutes”.

[#10]

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@Minivanman wrote:

Rod Gilbert

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Think you mean Rhod Gilbert

[#11]

Two cows in a field. One say to the other 'are you worried about mad cow desease' . The other says' no im a tractor'.  

[#12]

A very flustered penguin rushed into a bar and shouted "Has anyone seen my brother?"

"Dunno", said the barmaid, "What does he look like?"

[#13]

Now that could have been so politically incorrect. 

[#14]

Automatic internal PC Alert kicked in before I typed. 

[#15]

Two men ,Shaun and Murphy got a job on a construction site. A few days later the foreman went up to Shaun and said Im sorry to tell you Murphy has had an accident and is dead. He was run over by a bulldozer and his head was chopped off. We need you to come and identify him. Shaun said I could see him in that state. So the fore man thought for while and said go and sit in the canteen hut and I will hold his head up at the window so you wont see any blood. Murphy agrred to this and went to the canteen. The foreman held the head up at the window and shouted is this Shaun, Murphy said not. the foreman said why do you say that. Murphy said Shaun was taller than that!!!!