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Have you heard the one about …

Aspiring Legend
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but the light bulb has to want to change.


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb...ten

One to hold the bulb nine to spin the room roundRoll_eyes

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Re: Have you heard the one about …

I hear that in Barnsley they have started rubbing ecstacy in thier mouths....

THEY CALL IT  'E BY GUM'Crazy3

Aspiring Legend
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

In keeping with regional jokes. Thumbs_Up

"I flew to Ireland once... I'm Welsh so I brought shorts, t-shirts, sunglasses; they don't even well them in Wales, I had to go to Bristol to buy them"

Rod Gilbert


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Re: Have you heard the one about …


@TTman wrote:

I hear that in Barnsley they have started rubbing ecstacy in thier mouths....

THEY CALL IT  'E BY GUM'Crazy3


Did you hear about that dyslexic raver that got off his face on an F?

Hero
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Was that the one who was also an agnostic insomniac - who lay awake all night wondering if there is a Dog?

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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Hero
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

There's a bungalow near my bus stop called NADINA. Must have been a headache finding the name, an anagram of ANADIN.

Have you heard of the diversity advocate, who demanded jelly baby manufacturers introduce trans examples in the mix

No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.
Aspiring Legend
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Ah yes those jelly baby jokes, I'd forgotton all about those. Smiley

How can you tell which jelly babies are illegitimate?

Just turn the box upside down and all the bar-stewards fall out.

... still looking for my coat. 


Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not who somebody else is today
Hero
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

On a dark country lane late at night, a police patrol stopped to check a parked car in a layby.

After the usual preliminary questions, he asked the young lad behind the wheel what he was doing. “Reading a computer mag” he replied.

“And your girlfriend in the back?” he continued. “Oh, she’s knitting” said the lad.

“How old are you son? asked the officer. “Seventeen” he replied. “And your girlfriend?”

 

Glancing at his watch, he replied quietly “Sixteen in eleven and a half minutes”.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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Re: Have you heard the one about …


@Minivanman wrote:

Rod Gilbert


 

Think you mean Rhod Gilbert Wink

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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Two cows in a field. One say to the other 'are you worried about mad cow desease' . The other says' no im a tractor'.  Crazy3

 

 

 

Hero
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Re: Have you heard the one about …

A very flustered penguin rushed into a bar and shouted "Has anyone seen my brother?"

 

"Dunno", said the barmaid, "What does he look like?"

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Now that could have been so politically incorrect. Roll_eyes


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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Automatic internal PC Alert kicked in before I typed.  Wink

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

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Re: Have you heard the one about …

Two men ,Shaun and Murphy got a job on a construction site. A few days later the foreman went up to Shaun and said Im sorry to tell you Murphy has had an accident and is dead. He was run over by a bulldozer and his head was chopped off. We need you to come and identify him. Shaun said I could see him in that state. So the fore man thought for while and said go and sit in the canteen hut and I will hold his head up at the window so you wont see any blood. Murphy agrred to this and went to the canteen. The foreman held the head up at the window and shouted is this Shaun, Murphy said not. the foreman said why do you say that. Murphy said Shaun was taller than that!!!!   EvilGrin