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Government acts to end league table crisis (spoof article)

Luzern
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Registered: 31-07-2007

Government acts to end league table crisis (spoof article)

The following came from a newsletter the OH receives. How very true it reads amidst its humour! Do you think,like I do, this nation gets pottier day by day?
Quote
The Department of Health is to publish a League Table of League Tables (LT2). The move is described as the ultimate step in the government’s pledge to improve NHS transparency.
LT2 was a key proposal of the government’s review of health service rankings, which found that NHS staff, patients and the public were increasingly baffled by the proliferation of league tables. 
Nest of tables
A spokesman said: “While league tables and ratings help the public make informed decisions about the services they use, we listened to those who said they were confused by the sheer number of different rankings. By presenting the results of all the tables in a single consolidated table we will obviate the need to make potentially difficult choices between tables.”
Experts say LT2 could herald the end of existing tables covering the friends and family test, CQC ratings, transparency, the ability of organisations to learn from their mistakes, CCG rankings, patient safety, A&E waits, referral-to-treatment times, patient-reported outcomes, hygiene, efficiency, environmental sustainability, financial performance and hospital food.
The spokesman said: “Instead of having to choose between hard to compare factors such as chances of recovery from major surgery and availability of hospital parking, people will now be able to see at a glance which NHS service is best for them overall.” 
Leaving the table
The LT2 scheme will be overseen by a new Chief Inspector of League Tables, whose job it will be to ensure compliance with national standards for rankings, ratings and comparative data.
The inspector will have powers to scrutinise the data collection methods used in compiling league tables and rate organisations submitting or processing data according to whether or not they meet the Duty of Probity, a legally enforceable obligation on NHS organisations to be “as truthful as they possibly can, as often as possible”.
Any NHS body failing to adhere to the duty will be “named and shamed” in a League Table of League Table Non-compliance. They also face a range of other possible sanctions including relegation to a lower league and, in the case of persistent offenders, temporary suspension from all tables.
Place settings
The government denies that LT2 will replace several sets of meaningless data with a single set of meaningless meta-data, but says it is conscious of the need to balance the need for a national table with the need to make the data “locally relevant”.
This is why the government is also promising to establish so-called place-based tables, locally determined league tables designed to meet the needs of hard-working populations. It is considering proposals to publish an aggregated list of Local League Tables of League Tables. Plans for the new ubertable, the National League Table of Local League Tables of League Tables, or LT3, are midway through a public consultation.
The spokesman said: “Our NHS league tables are already the envy of the world. We remain committed to the principle of universal access to great rankings, free at the point of use, and high-quality tables for all. The British public have come to expect nothing less from our NHS.”
No one has to agree with my opinion, but in the time I have left a miracle would be nice.