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England Jokes

Midnight_Caller
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Registered: 15-04-2007

England Jokes

Just a bit of fun. As England are not doing too well in the world cup at the moment, there are lots of jokes flying around via texts, Email, Etc.  Share them on here,if you have any that you think are funny.
Here is some to start the ball rolling then:
A seven-year-old boy was at the center of a London courtroom drama today when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him.
After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the England Football Team, whom the boy firmly believes, are not capable of beating anyone.


World Cup Update
Yesterday Portugal met North Korea, in Cape Town.
Today Argentina meet Greece, in Polokwane.
Tomorrow England meet France, in the airport.


OXO have a new product.  It has a England flag emblem on it's wrapper, and is called "Laughing Stock."


The England team went to visit an orphanage today.
”It’s good to put a smile on the faces of the people with no hope, facing the impossible”
Said Jamal Umboto aged 6.
43 REPLIES
Community Veteran
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Registered: 24-09-2008

Re: England Jokes

@Gary nice thread
England have a new coach.............it picks them up at the airport on Monday
Community Veteran
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: England Jokes

Good start to the day Gary.  Thanks Grin
Moderator
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Re: England Jokes

I like the OXO one Grin
Customer and Forum Moderator.
Product of the Tyrell Corporation
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Re: England Jokes

Quote
Tomorrow England meet France, in the airport.

Looks like that was very accurate, according to the BBC news front page England are OUT
Well maybe now things will return to normal ?  Crazy
Community Veteran
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Registered: 12-08-2007

Re: England Jokes

An abysmal performance. I think there were 11 jokes on the pitch plus the coach Embarrassed Embarrassed
Community Veteran
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Registered: 07-03-2008

Re: England Jokes

4 to 1 is about right, although the disputed one to make it 4 to 2 might have flattered without altering the result. Third World status in most matters restores us to normality. A bit of peace for a bit to enjoy!
  Sad  Roll eyes
David_W
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Re: England Jokes

I'm Welsh and am ashamed of the performance on the England team, it was *that* bad.  England were so bad even the Scottish were taking pity on them.
Of course, the real reason they are out, Top Gear starts tonight and the world cup final is on next Sunday so they didn't want to miss it.
The big question is, how do England pull themselves from this?  In rugby terms, after Wales had a disaster at the world cup there was wholesale change, and it worked, Wales went on to win the 6 nations Grand Slam, England need to stop looking at the same tired old players who show no desire to play in an England shirt, if you can't perform while wearing the 3 lions, you don't deserve to wear it and it should be given to someone who will fight for their place.
Look at Rooney, he played terrible in all 4 matches but he played all 4 matches, there was no competition for him to keep him on his toes, he could afford to play badly and still wear the England shirt.  Terry, Lampard etc. If these players play bad, they don't get thrown off the team, their name keeps them playing, it's the whole "yeah, who else you got to replace me?" mentality.  When England play great they have 1 players who sparkles, one player who gives 100% constantly, it was Hargreaves last time, this time, no player performed, no player could make that crucial play that England needs, they banked on Rooney and, as history has shown us, relying on the banks is a pretty silly thing to do.
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Re: England Jokes

ITV are showing "Out of Africa". instead of  "WC Quarter Final" .
Community Veteran
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Re: England Jokes

What`s the title of this thread?
"England  - joke"  ..... end of story.  Grin Grin Grin
Wonder what will happen to all those idiots supporters that spent hundreds of pounds putting flags all over their houses.... and will we see as many "fluttering" from cars, tomorrow, on the way to work? ? ?
Oh, and just so you know..... I can`t stand football....  Roll eyes
jmd
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Re: England Jokes

The chap across road from me has taken all his flags down off house and car!  He did it as soon as match ended! Smiley
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Re: England Jokes

I bet you`re pleased... !  Cheesy
Midnight_Caller
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Re: England Jokes

Quote from: shutter
Oh, and just so you know..... I can`t stand football....  Roll eyes

Join the club.
scootie
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Re: England Jokes

http://www.oldham-chronicle.co.uk/news-features/8/news-headlines/42237/well-keep-a-welcome-in-the-ro...
£300 worth of flags up for sale here i guess now  Grin looked good tho when i walked past a couple of weeks ago.
Add me to the list of cant stand football, don't see why people love the sport as there isn't much skill to it as my dog shows each Sunday when he nicks the ball off the Sunday league teams at the local football field  Grin
most people didn't even put flags up till England got through to the Germany match, so most people only support them when there winning any way, and whats with the manger all ways being from a different country, shouldn't they insure the whole team is born and breed in England
pierre_pierre
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Re: England Jokes

I dont have a Football Flag up, as more people support fishing than support dribbleing a ball.
But I do have and England flag, and it has been flying since St Georges day