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Courses for BMW owners

Community Veteran
Posts: 16,814
Thanks: 1,112
Fixes: 13
Registered: 06-11-2007

Courses for BMW owners

Just found this on another forum.... there is no "credit"  apart from the guy who posted it on there.....  (his first name is Lee, and his second is a famous supermarket name who use orange colour for their text)
********************************************************************************************************************************************************
Dear New BMW Owner:
Congratulations on the purchase of your new automobile! We're sure that
it will provide you with the utmost in driving pleasure and lifestyle
enhancement.
However, we must inform you that there are certain minimum requirements
that a BMW customer must meet in order to retain ownership of his or her
vehicle. Specifically, as a first time owner, you must take and pass the
following classes, offered by your local BMW dealer:
* ARR 101 -- Arrogance
A six week course explaining the details of driving habits, posture,
clothing, and other details that all lead to the arrogant appearance
and demeanor that all BMW owners must present. $800/person
* AGG 101 -- Aggressiveness
Six weeks of hands-on experience in tailgating, rapid unsignaled lane
changes, speeding, and hard breaking. When you complete this course
you'll be able to merge your car into the tiniest available spot on the
freeway and cause everyone around you to know a BMW just entered the
road, even if they couldn't see you at the time. $1000/person
* BUD 101 -- Budgeting To Make Your Car Payment
Twelve weeks. $1500/person
If this is a second (or later) BMW, then our requirements include:
* ARR 102 -- Arrogance Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on arrogance. $650/person
* AGG 102 -- Aggressiveness Refresher
Three weeks of refresher course on aggressiveness. $850/person
* BUD 102 -- Additional Budgeting Skills
12 weeks. This course covers additional budgeting skills including:
* How to buy your teenage child his or her first BMW and
still make the payment on your own.
* The home equity loan -- your friend.
* Selling your house to pay for your car -- you can do it.
* Paying for your BMW owner training classes -- yes, you have to.
$1500/person
These classes must be completed successfully during your first 3 months of
ownership, or we will be forced to repossess your car.
In addition, we offer other classes that you may be interested in taking.
These include:
* LIF 101 -- Living Where Other BMW Owners Live
How to find those neighborhoods where your fellow BMW owners already live.
Three weeks. $500/person
* MAI 101 -- BMW Maintenance
Four weeks. Basic training in how to open your wallet to pay BMW
mechanics seven times the going hourly rate to fix your car when it
breaks. $750/person
* MAI 201 -- Advanced BMW Maintenance
Eight weeks. Admission to this class requires instructor approval.
Hypno-therapy to ease the process of opening the wallet of really
tough customers.
Please contact your BMW dealer to enroll in your required classes, and
in any of the voluntary classes that appeal to you.
Once again, we appreciate your business! Happy Driving!
***************************************************************************************************************************************************************
I have certainly come across one or two of them . !
3 REPLIES
Community Veteran
Posts: 26,372
Thanks: 629
Fixes: 8
Registered: 10-04-2007

Re: Courses for BMW owners

What, no courses about the special laws relating to BMW cars such as the one that forbids them being driven on the inside lane of a motorway?
jelv (a.k.a Spoon Whittler)
   Why I have left Plusnet (warning: long post!)   
Broadband: Andrews & Arnold Home::1 (FTTC 80/20)
Line rental: Pulse 8 Home Line Rental (£13/month)
Mobile: iD mobile (£4/month)
Community Veteran
Posts: 1,358
Thanks: 29
Registered: 07-03-2008

Re: Courses for BMW owners

Hi!  Anyone noticed that the fees are all in $$$$$ ?
colintivy
PGRGrandad
Grafter
Posts: 49
Registered: 21-05-2008

Re: Courses for BMW owners

Clearly BMW drivers are an international problem!
I have a friend who is one and have forwarded the OP to him, it remains to be seen whether he will want to remain my friend.  Sad
I should add he is also a policeman!!! Roll eyes
Pete