Believe it or not....

[#1]

..  today is International Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day! Why I don't know, but it is.

So when the large lady post-person rings the door bell just answer and say "Arrrrr Jim (Jane?) lad, avaaaaast behind" and see what happens!

Shiver me timbers, splice the mainbrace, and I'll be hornswaggled!

Or words to that effect. 

[#2]

Oooh  Aaaarh. Just after 5 bells, me `arties,.  it looks as if it is only for "part time " pirates... as there`s not much of the day left now ! .

[#3]

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@nozzer wrote:

..  today is International Talk-Like-a-Pirate Day! Why I don't know, but it is.

So when the large lady post-person rings the door bell just answer and say "Arrrrr Jim (Jane?) lad, avaaaaast behind" and see what happens!

Shiver me timbers, splice the mainbrace, and I'll be hornswaggled!

Or words to that effect. 

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@nozzer I'm not that sure that saying, "avaaaaast behind" to a large post person of either sex will get your post delivered sooner, a clump, though, might get express delivery.

[#4]

Aarrr, I expect they scurvy dogs is scrubbing the bilges and makin it all shipshape. Yarrrr.

Right, that's quite enough of that! 

[#5]

As the man said, "I knew he was the Captain because he had a wooden leg and his parrot smelled rotten!"