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An early Xmas "Heads up"

Superuser
Superuser
Posts: 2,584
Thanks: 971
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Registered: 10-04-2007

An early Xmas "Heads up"

 

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EU legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While Santa's acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas

 

The Risk Management Team

5 REPLIES
jab1
Seasoned Pro
Posts: 1,466
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Registered: 24-02-2012

Re: An early Xmas "Heads up"

Didn't expect that, Maurice, But it made me smile (broadly)Grin

John
Community Veteran
Posts: 16,825
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Registered: 06-11-2007

Re: An early Xmas "Heads up"

 

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.

         

 

The seat belt regulation is relaxed for delivery drivers 

 

 

This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers.

 

 

Overloaded vehicles will be taken to the neares "DoT Weighbridge station".. to check on safe weight distribution on the vehicle,

 

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

 

Local diversions will be in place....... do not follow satnav instructions.

 

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

 

Offendeers are liable to be given "Noise abatement warnings" by the local authorities.

 

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night

 

Disabled badges must be displayed by all users.

 

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks

 

All emergency plans must be submitted, and approved, 14 days before the occurence of the said delivery schedule

 

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

 

Care should also be taken as to the location of the "glory shining" so that it does not affect aircraft, taking off and landing, at airports, nor "in transit" over the said fields of sheep.

 

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that EU legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

 

The use of a single red light at the front of a vehicle, is illegal,.... therefore Rudolph will not be leading the way. 

Confusion was caused, in previous years, to air traffic, which normally displays the folowing flashing lights... one red ( port wing ).. one green ( starboard wing).. and one all round white light. to indicate it`s presence to other users of the sky at night...

 

All packages, originating outside the U.K. should have "customs declaration" forms attached.... despite that fact that gives the kids the information of what the package contains, before they open them..

 

This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

 

Random checks will be conducted at many county borders, by the "Gift Police".. to ensure the regulations are adhered to....No prior warning, ( as with speed cameras ) will be issued as to where and when these checks will take place.

 

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.

 

The Daily Mail, and The Sun, will be present, along with news teams from television services around the world, to cover the story of this child abuse.. However, Some Foreign Royal Personages, whow were witnesses, have pointed out to  the police, who were going to prosecute the "parents", that it cannot be proved that they ARE, indeed, the parents of the child.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Superuser
Superuser
Posts: 2,584
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Registered: 10-04-2007

Re: An early Xmas "Heads up"

Luv the additons @shutter  Funny

198kHz
Seasoned Pro
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Registered: 30-07-2008

Re: An early Xmas "Heads up"

A tad early, but much appreciated Maurice and shutter.  Grin

Not young enough to know everything
Minivanman
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Registered: 04-11-2014

Re: An early Xmas "Heads up"

 

 
"Local diversions will be in place....... do not follow satnav instructions"
 

Santanav surely? Smiley 

All views expressed are my own but you can express them too if you want to be right about everything like I am.