cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

An Australian Perspective

Community Veteran
Posts: 18,544
Thanks: 190
Registered: 12-08-2007

An Australian Perspective

Not very PC but funny Smiley

Quote
IT CAN'T BE SAID ANY BETTER THAN THIS!

T. B. Bechtel, a City councilor from Newcastle, Australia, was asked on a local live radio talk show, just what he thought about the allegations of torture of suspected terrorists.
His reply prompted his ejection from the studio, but to thunderous applause from the audience.

'If hooking up one raghead terrorist prisoner's testicles to a car battery to get the truth out of the lying little camelshagger will save just one Australian, American or Canadian life, then I have only three things to say,' :
'Red is positive, Black is negative, and Make sure his nuts are wet.'
4 REPLIES
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: An Australian Perspective

Quote
Two women were playing golf,one teed offand watched in horror as her ball headed straight for a foursome of men playing at the next hole,the ball hit one of the menand he immediately clasped his hands together at his groin fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony
the woman rushed towards the man and began to appologise
"please allow me to help,i am a physical therapist and i know i could relieve your pain if youd allow me" she told him "i'll be fine in a few minutes",the man replied
he was in obvious agony lying in the feotal positionstill grasping his hands together at his groin at her persistance however, he finally allowed her to help she gently took his hands away and put them by his side, loosened his trousers and put her hand onside,she administered
tender and artful massage for several minutes then asked "how does that feel"
he replied
"it feels great,but i still think that my thumb is broken"
pierre_pierre
Grafter
Posts: 19,757
Registered: 30-07-2007

Re: An Australian Perspective

Quote
A few minutes before the services started, the townspeople were sitting in their pews and talking.
Suddenly,Satan appeared at the front of the church.Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.
Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.
So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Satan.
"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned the old man, in an even tone.
"Did you know that I could cause you profound,horrifying, physical AGONY... for all eternity?"
persisted Satan.
"Yep," was the calm reply.
"And you're still not afraid?" asked Satan.
"Nope."
More than a little perturbed, Satan asked,
"Well,why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man calmly replied,
"Been married to your sister for the last 48 years."
Community Veteran
Posts: 2,282
Thanks: 218
Fixes: 1
Registered: 04-08-2009

Re: An Australian Perspective

Two 80 year old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra.
The other wasn't familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for. The first man said, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth!! Makes you feel like a man of 30."
The second then asked, "Can you get it over the counter?"
"You probably could, if you took two pills!", said the first man.
Community Veteran
Posts: 2,282
Thanks: 218
Fixes: 1
Registered: 04-08-2009

Re: An Australian Perspective

It's two o'clock in the morning and a husband and wife are asleep, when suddenly the phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and says, "Hello?... How the heck do I know? What am I, the weather man?" -- and promptly slams the phone down.
His wife rolls over and asks, "Who was that?"
The husband replies. "I don't know. Some guy who wanted to know if the coast was clear."