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A wicked sense of humour.

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A wicked sense of humour.

Next time you're in Asda, - keep up with the Jones's ....
Dear Mrs Jones, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Jones, are listed below and are "documented by our video surveillance cameras":
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Homewares to go off at 5- minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's toilets.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Homewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.
5. August 4: Went to the Customer Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of crisps.
6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department - to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' Emergency Medics were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the toy department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the Whole Store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the autoparts department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!
15. October 23: Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was. And last, but not least:
16. October 24: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the Staff passed out
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5 REPLIES
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Re: A wicked sense of humour.

Brilliant stuff!  Cheesy
Had to forward that to someone by email lol Smiley
I need a new signature... i'm bored of the old one!
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Re: A wicked sense of humour.

Grin Grin Grin
I've wanted to one or two of those myself  Crazy

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Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

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Posts: 25,789
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Registered: 14-04-2007

Re: A wicked sense of humour.

Beats riding the trolley down the aisle Smiley
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Re: A wicked sense of humour.

or playing supermarket bowls with the shopping basket (and yes, I've done that lol).
Moons ago I used to go into a well known supermarket with my mates.. we were known for being a bit 'lively' but it got to the point where they all knew to watch out for us.
Next time you're in there and you have a pretty young lady at the checkout and your mate with you, start talking about "her jugs" (her meaning your wife, missus etc) and watch the dirty looks you get  Cheesy Me and a mate did that years ago and the girl eventually twigged we were being pervs and thought it was about her. She instantly questioned my mate "What did you just say?" with a disgusting look on her face. My mate was like "Huh? What?!.. what did you think I said?" She was like "No seriously what were you just saying?" he says "No you tell me first, what did you think I said?"  Cheesy It was sheer brilliance  Grin
Riding the kids ride on toys also turns heads  Wink
I need a new signature... i'm bored of the old one!
alanf
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Re: A wicked sense of humour.