cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

A difficult topic

Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 16,540
Thanks: 1,789
Fixes: 125
Registered: 06-04-2007

A difficult topic

Being 20 years older than SWMBO I do worry about how she would cope should anything happen to me but it's a subject she refuses to discuss ;(
Most of my family have lived long lives (dad till he was 90 and mum still going reasonably strong at 86) but one never knows the future.
I don't have any insurance in place at present and, due to and ongoing problem, any insurance quote has been loaded quite heavily for a number of years before reducing. I have looked into the over 50 plans but they are really only worth the money if you don't have a long life expectancy. After a number of years you end up getting back less than you paid in and there is no cash to come back if you stop making payments Sad
Savings account have such low interest that they hardly seem worthwhile but I have been checking out ISAs (now called NISAs). They do offer a better return and a quick calculation indicates (at current interest rates) that putting away £20 a month for 20 years would give a return of around £5500. Of course I can increase the monthly amount as and when funds allow. When a substantial amount has built up I could switch it to a fixed-term ISA which would offer even better interest rates.
Up to now I have dealt with everything from the power companies, internet, council tax, benefits, etc to savings and SWMBO has no idea how to deal with these things should I be incapacitated even for a short period. Yet any attempts to deal the subject is me with a 'can we deal with this at another time'. I don't think she even knows how to dell with an medical emergency for example, if I should collapse with chest pains. Still she refuses to talk about as if that will make it happen.
I would appreciate any input in how to tackle such a difficult subject as SWMBO has no-one else in the UK to assist her if I were incapacitated or worse Sad

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

6 REPLIES
MJN
Aspiring Pro
Posts: 1,067
Thanks: 32
Fixes: 2
Registered: 26-08-2010

Re: A difficult topic

Could you start to document how various practical aspects of your lives are set up? Even if your other half doesn't want to discuss such matters it might help you if you know that the information she'll need is available. In the meantime, it could even help you as it can be quite an eye opener how much 'configuration' there is behind many a modern life! Writing that down, and keeping it uptodate, can surely only help run the show before the final curtain.
Something else to consider... With the loss of loved ones I nearly always see a certain amount of regret about things that were/weren't said... I keep intending on writing an 'In the event of my death' letter within which I can put to bed all the things that might cause those left behind worry or concern, pre-empt some of the questions that might crop up etc. I am sure that such a letter could be of significant help to the grieving process and, if written from the perspective that it'll be read once you've gone (i.e. use the present tense), then I am sure it'd provide enormous comfort.
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 16,540
Thanks: 1,789
Fixes: 125
Registered: 06-04-2007

Re: A difficult topic

I think I will will out in note form what's what, where's where and how to access all passwords, websites, etc as well as who to contact in an official capacity to offer help and assistance.
Needs careful thought, though.

Forum Moderator and Customer
Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear - Mark Twain
He who feared he would not succeed sat still

Community Veteran
Posts: 7,912
Thanks: 593
Fixes: 8
Registered: 02-08-2007

Re: A difficult topic

A Very difficult subject.
Perhaps you could phase thing in, suggest to SWMBO that her name goes on one of the utility bills so it arrives in her name but you continue to pay it, over a period of time transfer a few more things across and if it's on the internet ask her to input the necessary information whilst you sit beside her so this will gradually get her familiar to the internet, passwords, etc 
It would also be important to understand her reluctance to do it, for example she may regard it as a job that a man should do just as some men think it's a woman's job to do all the cooking and cleaning but then come unstuck if they ever end up on their own and have to do something they have never done before.
I take it you have a joint bank account so if anything should happen you then she would have access to some money quickly
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,671
Thanks: 108
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: A difficult topic

when I was going away years back I had to write down a full set of "how to" instructions on everything related to accounts including all the login/password details, purely because I had taken care of all that stuff for years and I wasn't going to be around to sort it out for quite some time, also I had to include instructions on who to call in various events, although perhaps because I was forward planning I went the extra mile and input dates and actions required into the shared calendar, which was then sync'd to the phone's (although back then they weren't nearly as capable as they are now) on top of that I also put in an envelope various "extra's" to be opened in the event of xxxxx happening which contained extra details like what agencies needed notifying and how to do it (although those were largely just printouts from websites detailing the procedure)
obviously you can tailor everything specific to your situation but as a general rule of thumb, anyone who pays you money or anyone you pay money to will need informing of the "change of circumstance" so a folder like this http://www.amazon.co.uk/Premium-Quality-Pocket-Display-Folder/dp/B002LFL006/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1... filled with printed pages giving clear instructions would be a good option, if your feeling posh you can even get some page markers and split them into timelines for notification, as most places have a different timescale applicable and its quite important to get it right.
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you
Community Veteran
Posts: 7,912
Thanks: 593
Fixes: 8
Registered: 02-08-2007

Re: A difficult topic

@nanotm,
Clearly you are trying to give good advice  in response to the OP, unfortunately the  ideas you suggest would be unlikely to work based on the information we have been given.
When faced with situations that people are unsure or afraid of dealing with they often ignore them  and the problem can then build up and get totally out of hand, one example is debt.
The best approach  is to help people deal with problems by encouraging them to take one step at a time along with positive reinforcement or simply put praising them for a  positive outcome  and not being critical of mistakes.
In short one step at a time.
It's amazing what people can achieve when given the right encouragement and necessary support
nanotm
Pro
Posts: 5,671
Thanks: 108
Fixes: 1
Registered: 11-02-2013

Re: A difficult topic

When my daughter died it was only because someone else gave me a folder with the relevant "crib sheets" in it that we didn't fall foul of the notification rules and end up in trouble both financially and with the various agencies so my thoughts on the matter reflect past experience.
Something like this is never going to be a one size fits all solution but a selection of folders with detailed instructions on what to do in the event of ************ will allow for them to be done on auto pilot without much in the way of thought being required for
just because your paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you