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A Fable For Our Times

Jonken
Grafter
Posts: 37
Registered: 08-03-2009

A Fable For Our Times

There was this guy, any guy, he could be your next door neighbour and he had a car, it was old, it was cranky and above all it was slow. All his mates down the pub had these really neat super fast cars they went ten faster than his.
"I'm having one of those." he said to himself.
So off he went home, cracked open the piggy bank with a hammer and was off to the garage as fast as his cranky old car would take him. At the garage the slick salesman with the sharp suit and spiky hair and empty sales book soon had him sat behind the steering wheel of a brand new shiny, and above all, faaaaaast, car. Well, the poor sucker was hooked  wasn't he, there was no way he was going to leave the garage without buying. So, having emptied poor piggy's contents into the coffers of the garage, he clutched the ignition keys to his bosom, gave his heels a quick click for joy as he left the showroom and drove off into the sunset in his brand new shiny, and above all, faaaaaast car, and lived happily ever after.
Well, not quite.
After a short, very short, miniscule even, time he noticed that the brakes on his brand new shiny, and.. well you get the idea, car didn't seem to work as well as he might have expected, in fact, to be honest, they sometimes didn't seem to stop the car at all
.
So, off to the garage he went.
"They're nice people," he thought, "they were very helpful when I bought my shiny new car. I'm sure they'll soon have it as right as sixpence in no time at all."
The garage mechanic was very nice, he took the car to the chip shop to buy all his friends in the workshop their dinners, he kicked all the tyres, he emptied the ashtray, he even filled up the windscreen washer bottle.
"Nothing wrong there." He said as he passed over the bill for a complete service and road test to our hero
But, alas and alack our poor proud new car owner, who was feeling a little jaded by now, was still finding himself completely anchorless every now and then.
So, off to the garage he went.
"They're nice people," he thought, "they were very helpful when I bought my new car. I'm sure they'll soon have it as right as sixpence in no time at all."
But the mechanic didn't seem to so friendly now, perhaps he was having a bad day, and was muttering under his breath about costs and making that sucking through the teeth noise that builders make when you ask them how much that hole in the roof would cost to repair.
"Tell you what, mate." the mechanic said, at last, having kicked all the tyres yet again. "I really ain't got the time or, y'know I mean, the knowhow to fix yer brakes. But what I can do is stick a brick under the gas pedal so yer can't go faster than 30 miles an hour. That way it won't matter if yer brakes don't work."
Our hapless victim leaves the garage in his brand new etc etc car, only now it doesn't seem to be much faster than his cranky old slow car. Just as he's pulling into his driveway his brakes wave goodbye and he demolishes three garden gnomes, a wheelie bin and the new lawn mower he's just borrowed from his neighbour.
So, off to the garage he went, in his now slightly dented, not so shiny and definitely not faaaaast car.
"They don't seem such nice people now," he thought, "I wish I hadn't sold my old, cranky, slow car to that scrap dealer."
"Oh, you again," the mechanic said. "I can't waste any more time doing comprehensive diagnostic checks just because you say the brakes don't work. All I can do is..........put a bigger brick under the gas pedal."
The End
5 REPLIES
Jonken
Grafter
Posts: 37
Registered: 08-03-2009

Re: A Fable For Our Times

Sorry I posted this in the wrong forum. Embarrassed
It's meant as an allegory (no Hortense that's not a kind of crocodile).
I've been put onto 1m fixed speed and threatened with that being reduced to 512k fixed.
John
Community Veteran
Posts: 38,241
Thanks: 933
Fixes: 54
Registered: 15-06-2007

Re: A Fable For Our Times

No problem I just saw your other post - you have my sympathy but that doesn't really help does it  Embarrassed
Jonken
Grafter
Posts: 37
Registered: 08-03-2009

Re: A Fable For Our Times

Don't be so sure that it doesn't help. A bit of sympathy is never wasted, it's as good as an aspirin for releaving the headache that beating your head against a brick wall gives you  Smiley
John
Community Veteran
Posts: 19,099
Thanks: 434
Fixes: 21
Registered: 31-08-2007

Re: A Fable For Our Times

Hi Jonken,
I like the analogy but I would suggest change the brakes to automatic gearbox and the context to making the car go rather than stop. As for the brick and the gas pedal, that's still ok, because the kick down wouldn't work and it'd be stuck in low gear!
Jonken
Grafter
Posts: 37
Registered: 08-03-2009

Re: A Fable For Our Times

Hi Chris
Thanks, a humble effort but all my own.
Automatic gearboxs - now you're entering a realm of which haven't the faintest trace of knowledge other than that they exist. Never ever driven one. In actual fact I don't even own a car or driven one in the last 10 years.
John