cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

Jokes Forum

Community Veteran
Posts: 5,877
Thanks: 1
Registered: 05-04-2007

Jokes Forum

I think it would be a good idea to have a jokes forum for robynfali and towill to post all their jokes in that way you know what you are letting yourself infor when you open one of their threads.
165 REPLIES
craigbrass
Grafter
Posts: 1,009
Registered: 30-07-2007

Jokes Forum

Yea, and maybe the "PlusNet Joke of the Week" lol.
Plusnet Staff
Plusnet Staff
Posts: 12,169
Thanks: 18
Fixes: 1
Registered: 04-04-2007

Jokes Forum

One for the Mods to decide on I think.
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

Jokes Forum

Given that we do get a large number of funnies and jokes posted in General Chit-Chat. I don't see why this couldn't be implemented. It might also encourage others to post their best ones too.... and will leave the Chit-Chat forum just for general chat.
Community Veteran
Posts: 5,878
Registered: 04-04-2007

Jokes Forum

Sounds like a good idea to me.
N/A

Jokes Forum

Would that just be things which are intentionally funny, or would things like Liam's connections issues
(see thread http://portal.plus.net/central/forums/viewtopic.php?t=30044 if you don't know what I mean)
make it into the jokes forum?
Sorry Liam, don't mean that its particularly funny for you, but you must be among the first to admit that the CS on that one has been a joke Wink
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

Jokes Forum

Hehe.... too true.

On the subject of the Jokes Forum. I'm going to be putting this up tonight.
Community Veteran
Posts: 5,878
Registered: 04-04-2007

Jokes Forum

Liam,
We need to agree a welcome post and stuff first so you might want to hang fire.
N/A

Jokes Forum

Think you should PM robynfali and towill and give them the opportunity to be the first to get the ball rolling!
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

Jokes Forum

Quote
Liam,
We need to agree a welcome post and stuff first so you might want to hang fire.


Well, given that my post in the SL has gone ignored for 2 days, and you seemed to approve in this thread... I assumed there were no problems.
N/A

Jokes Forum

Nah, bad idea, I don't know any jokes. Have you heard the one about the ISP who fupped everything up?
glyndev
Grafter
Posts: 620
Registered: 31-07-2007

Jokes Forum

One problem is that there are only a finite number of "U" rated jokes out there.

To my mind there should be 2 jokes forums. One of them being age restricted. I know that that is where 99% of the jokes that I know would need to go.
vic_newey
Grafter
Posts: 802
Thanks: 2
Registered: 30-07-2007

Jokes Forum

Heres some Tommy Cooper jokes to get you started

1. Two blondes walk into a building....you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

2. Phone answering machine message - "...If you want to buy marijuana
press the hash key..."

3. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Clingfilm for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."

4. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't
find any.

5. I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are
too high."

6. My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

7. A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you
can't, I've cut your arms off".

8. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a muscle.

9. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the
craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak
and heat it.

10. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.

11. Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head.
Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

12. 'Doc I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home' "That
sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. 'Is it common?' "It's not unusual.

13. A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is
there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a
look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks
his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What?
Because he's cross-eyed? ""No, because he's really heavy"

14. Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up
my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start."

15. Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

17. So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you
give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster,
go for it.'

18. Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or
my Dad, or my older Brother Colin, or my younger Brother Ho-Cha-Chu?
But I think its Colin.

19. Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The
other one says "So are you, you fat bast**d!"

22. A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in
several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go there anymore"

____________
women like simple things...... like men
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

Jokes Forum

Do you guys reckon a seperate 'Jokes' forum is a worthwhile idea? I have to put a case together for the other mods it seems.
N/A

Jokes Forum

We could deliberately keep posting jokes in here, then when they get sick of moving them to the chit chat forum, they might give us a new playpen?
Perhaps not the best idea for keeping the right to post though, how many warnings do you think we'd get before we got banned?

Some technical advice to mull over whilst we think about it Wink

Never leave diskettes in the drive, as the data can leak out of the disk and corrode the inner mechanics of the drive. Diskettes should be rolled up and stored in pencil holders.

Diskettes should be cleaned and waxed once a week. Microscopic metal particles may be removed by waving a powerful magnet over the surface of the disk. Any stubborn metal shavings can be removed with scouring powder and steel wool. When waxing a diskette, make sure the surface is even. This will allow the diskette to spin faster, resulting in better access time.

Do not fold diskettes unless they do not fit into the drive. "Big" Diskettes may be folded and used in "Little" drives.

Never insert a diskette into the drive upside down. The data can fall off the surface of the disk and jam the intricate mechanics of the drive.

Diskettes cannot be backed up by running them through a photo copy machine. If your data is going to need to be backed up, simply insert TWO diskettes into your drive. Whenever you update a document, the data will be written onto both disks. A handy tip for more legible backup copies: Keep a container of iron filings at your desk. When you need to make two copies, sprinkle iron filings liberally between the diskettes before inserting them into the drive.

Diskettes should not be removed or inserted from the drive while the red light is on or flashing. Doing so could result in smeared or possibly unreadable text. Occasionally, the red light remains flashing in what is known as a "hung" or "hooked" state. If your system is hooking, you will probably need to insert a few coins before being allowed to access the slot.

If your diskette is full and needs more storage space, remove the disk from the drive and shake vigorously for two minutes. This will pack the data enough (data compression) to allow for more storage. Be sure to cover all openings with scotch tape to prevent loss of data.

Data access time may be greatly improved by cutting more holes in the diskette jacket. This will provide more simultaneous access points to the disk.

Periodically spray diskettes with insecticide to prevent system bugs from spreading.

You can keep your data fresh by storing disks in the vegetable compartment of your refrigerator. Disks may be frozen, but remember to unthaw by micro waving or briefly immersing in boiling water.

"Little" diskettes must be removed from their box prior to use. These containers are childproof to prevent tampering by unknowledgeable youngsters.

You can recover data from a damaged disk by using the DOS command: FORMAT /U or alternatively by scratching new sector marks on the disk with a nail file.

Diskettes become "hard" with age. It's important to back up your "hard" disks before they become too brittle to use.

Make sure you label your data. Staples are a good way to permanently affix labels to your disks.