cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 

blonde jokes

stewarta13wsb
Grafter
Posts: 449
Registered: 01-08-2007

blonde jokes

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.

The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.

He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"

She says, "Every time you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle!"

--------------------------

Q: How does a blonde try to kill a worm?
A: Bury it alive!

--------------------------

A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing.
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."

--------------------------

Two blondes were shopping at the mall. When they were done, they went out to their car, which happened to be an awesome leather-interior convertible, but they realized they had locked the keys in the car. So they both kind of stood there and thought for a while.
Then one of the girls had the bright idea to try to open the car with a coat hanger, so she started fiddling with the lock. The other blonde looked up at the sky, became very worried, and pleaded,

"HURRY, HURRY, IT'S GOING TO RAIN AND WE LEFT THE TOP DOWN!"

--------------------------

A blonde and her father are walking down a street when the father says, ''Look, a dead bird.''
And the blonde looks up and says, ''Where?''

Cheesy :roll: Cheesy
9 REPLIES
N/A

blonde jokes

LOL... ok . you may get a few people who say those jokes are unfair..... but i still found them very funny!!! (tho im not blonde!!!... having said that i still have "blonde moments" lol)
vic_newey
Grafter
Posts: 802
Thanks: 2
Registered: 30-07-2007

blonde jokes

A blonde contacted the Guiness world records to tell them she had completed a 12 piece jigsaw in only three weeks. When told this was no big deal she said 'I hope you realise it says 2 to 3 years on the box !

2 blondes were trying to do a crossword & were stuck on a clue , It says 'old Macdonald had one ' says one blonde , I think I know this says the other , its a farm , I think you are right says the first, how do you spell it ? I think its E,I,,E,I,O !!
vic_newey
Grafter
Posts: 802
Thanks: 2
Registered: 30-07-2007

blonde jokes

Forget blondes, I once went out with a redhead, no hair -just a red head
N/A

blonde jokes

watchout lads... keep up like this and you may find you have an onslaught of "bloke jokes" thrown back at ya!!! (not by me of course.. i dont know any !!)
Well..maybe i do.. but this is family viewing!!! lol
Have fun.. and keep up the good work.. got me aughing here in between housework breaks!!!!
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

blonde jokes

My rear window overlooked her house.

To me, in my little fourth floor flat, her house seemed like a mansion.

A walled front garden with a long winding driveway and electronic gates.

Every morning I use to watch her pick up her post from a locked box securely mounted on the wall by the gates.

For months and months I watched her.
Summer time was best.
Long blonde hair ........ blue eyes ........ legs that went on forever.

But I never ever spoke with her.

Then last week something stranged happened.
On the Monday she took a delivery of several boxes.
On the Tuesday she went to check her post box several times that day.
Same again on the Wednesday.
When she started doing the same on the Thursday I just had to ask her if she was expecting something important in the post.

All she said to me ( in her beautiful Essex accent ) was .......... "Nah ...... it's just that I got my first ever computer on Monday, and there must be something wrong with it ....... it keeps flashing up .......... You Got Mail"
N/A

blonde jokes

Two geordie blondes walking back from the nightclub on a frosty night.

First blonde looks up at the moon and says to her pal, "Which do you think is further away - the moon or London?"

"That's easy" says the second blonde, "It's London - I can see the moon from here"
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

blonde jokes

There was a competition to cross the English Channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest breaststroker.

About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.

Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.

When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."
chymorva
Grafter
Posts: 275
Registered: 29-08-2007

blonde jokes

Sorry, couldn't resist adding my favourite......


A blonde woman was speeding down the road and
was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde. The cop
asked to see the blonde's driver's licence.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

"What does it look like?" she finally asked.

The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to
the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,

"Okay, you can go. I didn't realise you were a cop."
N/A

blonde jokes

Curious 6 year old son to father
"Dad why are wedding dresses white?"

His father replied knowingly
"All domestic appliances come in white"