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Womens humour

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Womens humour

Womens humour - excellent! (I ought to put Brummie bitches name to this as she emailed them to me)


My boyfriend, not happy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the
other day so he would be able to monitor my moods. When I'm in a good
mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big f*cking red
mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.


My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make
you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I
squirted it all over the doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


A couple are lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says, "I'll miss you."


Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumour.


He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make Love to you really badly. She said - Well, you've succeeded.


He said 'Shall we try swapping positions tonight?'. She said 'That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board while I sit On the sofa and fart'.


He said 'What have you been doing with all the grocery money that I gave you?' She said 'Turn sideways and look in the mirror you fat b*stard'.


Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? A: 45 minutes.


Q: What's the fastest way to a man's heart? A: Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Q: Why do men want to marry virgins? A: They can't stand criticism.


Q: Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good looking? A: Because those men already have boyfriends.


Q: What makes men chase women if they have no intention of marrying? A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving.


Q: What do you do if you see a man running around with half a head? A: Reload and try again!,
3 REPLIES
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Womens humour

Ah, you've spoilt tomorrows joke for the day!

I'll have to have a dig about for something else that is cleanish!

Wink
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Men cannot tell dirty jokes I can tell you!! Ivan

Hello,

I used to think Men could tell dirty jokes, but HOW WRONG!!!! I was. That was before I had an IT job working along side female nursing staff on an intensive care unit in a major Leeds NHS teaching hospital. I dont blush or get embrassed or shock easily because I come from a medical family & my father was a doctor but several times whilst having a tea break female nurses told jokes that almost made me leave the room. Dirty jokes MEN havent a clue!! you should hear what some nurses come out with jokes about sex & death truely jaw dropping stuff. Many times I blushed and felt embrassed too. :lol: Shockedops: :lol: Shockedops: But believe me, No! sorry men cannot tell dirty jokes but some women definately can tell jokes that leave men standing in the pale shade!! believe me its true.

Ivan
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Womens humour

and nurses are amongst the worst too, i'm married to one!!