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Vicky Beckham

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Vicky Beckham

Victoria Beckham and her driver were cruising along a country road one evening when a cow ran in front of the car. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't the cow was killed.
Posh told her driver to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what happened. About an hour later, the driver staggered back to the car with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and smiling happily. "What happened?" asked Posh. "Well," the driver replied, "the farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar, and their beautiful daughter made mad passionate love to me." "My God, what did you tell them?" asked Posh. The driver replied: "I'm Victoria Beckham's driver, and I just killed the cow."

Join the campaign for a jokes forum here
8 REPLIES
holdtight
Grafter
Posts: 1,634
Registered: 15-06-2007

Vicky Beckham

Thats funny ! made me laugh
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Vicky Beckham

Have you voted in favour of the forum for jokes yet?

Wouldn't it be much easier to find the funnies if they were seperate?

Although I have pretty much turned general chit chat into a jokes forum anyway this week - OOOPS (not) Wink
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

Vicky Beckham

To quote that well know advert for Germany's No 1 export beer.

You Don't Have To Be Posh ...................... To Swallow Becks Wink
holdtight
Grafter
Posts: 1,634
Registered: 15-06-2007

Vicky Beckham

James yes i have voted think its a great idea and i dont see why it cant be implemented
vic_newey
Grafter
Posts: 802
Thanks: 2
Registered: 30-07-2007

Vicky Beckham

The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life.

He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need -- a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

Been in the business 60 years!" the tailor said.

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly.

Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's see...size 36." Joe laughed "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A 34 underwear would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache."

New suit = £400

New shirt = £36

New underwear = £6



Tongue
vic_newey
Grafter
Posts: 802
Thanks: 2
Registered: 30-07-2007

Vicky Beckham

An engineer of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation died and went to

heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told him, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world; your reward is you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

The Engineer thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took him to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

The engineer then asked God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor of woman?"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said the engineer, "professional to professional, you have some

major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion.
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds.
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much.
4. The intake is placed way to close to the exhaust.
5. And finally, the maintenance costs are outrageous."

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to the engineer, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."
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Vicky Beckham

Wasn't expecting the punchline for the Harley one - very good!
craigbrass
Grafter
Posts: 1,009
Registered: 30-07-2007

Vicky Beckham

LOL, nearly fell off my chair reading that!!