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The Off-Peak Thread

LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

An idea taken from my own forums where we have "The Late Late Thread".

You're only allowed to post if it's between 1am - 8am. Wink

Doesn't look like I'll get much attention tonight hehe Smiley

Bah! It's nearly 3am and I've just watched 4 hours of Hustle (I bought the Series 1 DVD because Series 2 was fantastic)... anyone seen it?
11 REPLIES
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Hmm....

No replies. I guess this thread doesn't work here.

Anyway... i've been drinking.... i guess you could say I was drunk...

Oh well... I'm happy Smiley

Cheers
N/A

The Off-Peak Thread

hey, Im up, but Unfortunately sober and not a Plusnet Customer,so , do I count? Tongue lol :lol:
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Yeah... you count Smiley

How is it over at Bulldog 4Mb?

Did you ask for forum access, or has your account just not stopped working yet?
channel
Grafter
Posts: 697
Registered: 03-09-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Top 'o the morning to you.

I have a feeling I could be a regular contributor to this thread (being a night owl.) Whether I will have anything interesting to say is open to question, however.
N/A

The Off-Peak Thread

Quote
Yeah... you count Smiley

How is it over at Bulldog 4Mb?

Did you ask for forum access, or has your account just not stopped working yet?


Bulldogs fine, cant complain Tongue lol I think my account is still active somehow I dont think they'll keep me on after the bills stop tho, hehe Wink
channel
Grafter
Posts: 697
Registered: 03-09-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Is this thread now this board's equivalent of a Norweigan Blue?
LiamM
Grafter
Posts: 5,636
Registered: 12-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Eh? :?:
N/A

The Off-Peak Thread

Quote
Eh? :?:



The dead parrot sketch Liam.......


Quote

A customer enters a pet shop.

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.

(The owner does not respond.)

Mr. Praline: 'Ello, Miss?

Owner: What do you mean "miss"?

Mr. Praline: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!

Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you
show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour
ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the
first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and
VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e
rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the
bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh,
we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Owner: Nnnnot really.

Mr. Praline: WELL IT'S HARDLY A BLOODY REPLACEMENT, IS IT?!!Huh!!?

Owner: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, looks at his feet)

Mr. Praline: Well.

(pause)

Owner: (quietly) D'you.... d'you want to come back to my place?

Mr. Praline: (looks around) Yeah, all right, sure.
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Last message time outside the proposed hours for this thread...............

Will I get mine just inside Huh??

Can I get mine timed at 07.59 Huh??

Going ....... going ........ gone .
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

Damn ........................... tooooo early.

My Windows clock is obviously well out.
Metalguru
Grafter
Posts: 791
Registered: 04-08-2007

The Off-Peak Thread

But that one was spot on