Someone Please Stop me From Totally Losing It!

[#1]

I confess, I am a little (read a hell of a lot) stressed just now, PLUSNET.
MY experience with you just keeps getting WORSE, and I have no idea at all why you cannot manage a voice and broadband service on 100m of telephone wire.  It's doing me.
Today has been just about the final straw.  Not only has it cost me well over an hour in lost MYSQL work today, but I also have missed a deadline on a very important educational degree assessment, thanks to the fasult you keep telling me does not exist.  There's nothing wrong with my sense of reality.  There is a fault, it does exist, and I'm living in the middle of it right now!
In the ten minutes it took me to update the ticket you won't read for another three days, my router dropped out no less than eight times.  The sync speed has not been the same any two resets in a row, and the SNR is going loony - even that isn't stable.  THe voice line is noisy, still, though at least there is a dial tone again.
The engineer tasked on the 8th to come and check the fault that you keep telling me doesn't exist has a chocolate BT watch - maybe an early Christmas present from them since it now seems that in BT's world, AM means between 8 AM and one PM (see, the PM throws me a little - when I was educated, PM meant AFTER noon, and hence not AM)......So stupid me for waiting til one oclock to decide I'd wasted a morning, when he pops out ten minutes later from whichever drain he was hiding in, and sticks his now standard "we called, you were out, f**k you" message through my door.  Ten past one.  No, not in the AM as you and I understand it, but ten past one am in the afternoon - still in BT's morning timezone.
So when I say I'll call you in the morning, be sure to ask me if that's GMT or BTT.......
Am I really asking too much to have an end to this fault that doesn't exist, SIX MONTHS after it started not existing?  Several routers, miscorfilters, new cable, new telephones, countless toasted sandwiches and three million large size jars of Nescafe????
Really - I know I'm making humour, but I'm finding this anything but funny now.
And to which point I have indicate don the ticket you won't read for three days, concerning the fault that doesn't exist, that should the engineer who will turn up tomorrow morning in the afternoon, at 13:00 hrs AM, not find and fix this wretched fault, and stablise my broadband connection, and remove at least some of the infernal noise from the line at the same time, not only will I implant him upon the very top of his telegraph pole, but I will then run it the 100 metres round the corner to the exchange and stick it, and him, straight through the AXE rack.
Please understand - I really, really, really, am so far piddled off with this non existent fault (do you honestly think I've nothing better to do than report non existent faults?) - that I am seriously contemplating leaving, and working out the issue of contract failure in any court you choose.  All I want, is the service I am paying for, and as far as I know that doesn't include free router resets thirty times a day, and a choice of snap crackle or pop when I choose to try to phone someone.
What do I have to do to make myself understood, and get my apparently non existant fault sorted, in something short of another six months?
I wonder if the line is actually up, and stays that way long enough for this to post.........
Pressing the button ,,,,,,,,
And sen....

[#2]

Thanks for your time on the phone just now, hopefully we can get this sorted for you once and for all tomorrow.

[#3]

And Thank you for your very prompt call.  Appreciated.
Let's hope Mr BT gets things resolved in the morning.........
Bill.

[#4]

DirectFS.
Do you by any chance have a pci modem fitted?

[#5]

If you have a noisy line you should NEVER report a broadband fault - you need to have the cause fixed, not try to put a sticking plaster over the symptoms.
Have you got a wired telephone handset that you knows works without giving any noise (test at a friends/neighbours)? Plug that in to the test socket inside the master socket - is there any noise on the line? If there is that should be reported as a VOICE fault to whoever you pay for your phone rental - sort that out and the it's almost certain that the broadband will fix itself.
If there is no noise with a handset in to the test socket, the problem is with your equipment, put things pack together and power them on one step at a time to establish what is the faulty component.

[#6]

Quote from: jelv

If you have a noisy line you should NEVER report a broadband fault - you need to have the cause fixed, not try to put a sticking plaster over the symptoms.

Based on his first para it suggests his homephone is with Plusnet.  I'm not sure if the PN faults process asks about the voice fault issue as it would still then be Plusnet who need to investigate the fault.

[#7]

Yep, we're pursuing it as a PSTN fault now.

[#8]

I suspect that banging on about lousy broadband has obscured the fact that the line is duff and delayed resolution of the fault. The agent(s) he's been in touch with should have spotted this from the outset, but that's not always easy if it's not the way the user reports the fault.

[#9]

I had problems with my broadband connection a few moths back. I unplugged everything and reconnected it - it gave a different result for the line errors and synch speed.
I bought a can of electrical switch cleaner - a couple of quid from a local car parts shop - and treated all of the plugs to a dose. I then, while still wet with the cleaner, pushed them in and out several times. Things have been all right ever since.
Probably worth a try....
Tony